The key to full recovery: Stay grounded

Dr. Eddie Capalucci

A young man in his early 20s who has struggled with pornography since age 13 recently confided in me, “I’ve tried so many things to quit pornography over the past five years, and nothing has worked. What do you think is the answer to breaking this habit?”

His question highlights a fundamental misunderstanding that I believe is a major barrier to achieving true sobriety. When someone approaches stopping problematic sexual behaviors (PSBs) from the perspective of simply breaking a “habit,” they set themselves up for ongoing struggles, just like this young man.

The roots of PSBs often lie in a deeper, more complex world of emotions. These behaviors are more than just unconscious habits; they are coping mechanisms that arise from a need to suppress emotional distress, often stemming from a lack of adequate emotional connection during formative years. PSBs act as subconscious distractions, alleviating unresolved pain and compensating for the lack of authentic connection in life.

Consider a recent conversation with a client who admitted to struggling with borderline behaviors. He thought taking time off would allow him to avoid the fear of an impending lapse or relapse that plagued him.

While I commend both men for recognizing their struggles, they were not focused on the right path to recovery. Recovery is not about breaking bad habits, like biting your nails, or escaping to a resort to relax. True recovery lies in staying grounded.

So, what does grounding mean?

Grounding is the practice of maintaining emotional and spiritual balance. It’s about taking conscious steps to address key emotional voids in your life. It involves developing your emotional resilience, cultivating authentic connections with others, and learning to tolerate discomfort rather than running from it.

Staying grounded means understanding that you are dealing with anxiety—often hidden—which can lead to increased obsessive-compulsive disorder. This, in turn, increases the likelihood of making poor or rash decisions.

Grounding is not a quick fix, but an ongoing process of self-reflection and growth. It means identifying the underlying emotional triggers that drive PSB and addressing them head-on, rather than just suppressing symptoms. Grounding is about replacing destructive coping mechanisms with healthy, positive practices that strengthen your sense of self-worth and belonging. Staying grounded creates a strong and lasting foundation.

For young people struggling with pornography, and for anyone struggling with PSB, the answer does not lie in finding the perfect way to “break the habit.” Rather, the answer lies in cultivating a life in which your emotional needs are met in healthy, authentic ways. This requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to engage in often uncomfortable acts of vulnerability. Managing fear rather than escaping it through PSB is a must on the path to sobriety, as is being proactive about reducing anxiety. Only then can true recovery take root, changing not only behaviors but the way you approach life.

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For more of Dr. Eddie Capparucci’s work, visit his Abundant Life Counseling website and author page on Amazon.com.

If you or someone you care about is struggling with sex or porn addiction, help is available. Seeking Integrity offers inpatient treatment for sex and porn addicts, as well as low-cost online work groups for addicts and betrayed partners.