Use “What?” as a recovery tool

Scott Brassart

In recovery, life happens no matter our planning and preparation. We are constantly facing challenges and obstacles. Sometimes, it seems to be one thing after another until we feel like we have reached a dead end and there is no way to move forward. By then we can take the simple route – give up on the work of healing and go back to our previous lives – or we can ask ourselves a very simple question: “So what?”

We don’t do this to disdain. In fact, our intentions are exactly the opposite. What we really ask is: “Faced with this series of challenges, what are I going to do next? How will I keep moving forward? What can I do to make my situation better?” Basically, we evaluate the situation, figure out what is wrong, learn from it, decide what’s next and take positive action, rather than falling into self-pity.

It doesn’t matter whether we wake up on the wrong side of the bed and don’t want to face the day before. It doesn’t matter if our challenges are too big or too difficult, the only solution feels like hiding in a dark closet until life miraculously gets better. When we feel cringe, we ask, “What about that?” Then we can decide what kind of day we want to spend. If we want to suffer, we will get a good start. If we are going to have a decent day, we have to consciously get rid of the addiction/depression cycle. We must get rid of the “stinky thinking”.

This type of rest always requires some kind of action In our side. We need to figure out what the “next right step” is, and then we need to take that step. Sometimes, this means getting up and thanking us for our higher power of sobriety and recovery (even if we don’t really appreciate these gifts at the moment). At other times, when we are really stuck, we may need to call our sponsor, therapist, or friend who recovers to share our feelings and ask for advice on how to proceed.

When we feel blue, no matter how circumstance, no matter how heavy it seems, we ask, “What about that?” Then we continue to move forward in recovery and recovery, a small step at a time, knowing that even gradual progress can be a huge victory for addicts like us. We do the next right thing, the next right thing, and the next right thing, and then our day, no matter how far it is off the track, will get better.

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If you or a loved one is struggling with sexual, pornography, or material/sex addiction, seeking integrity can help. In addition to residential rehabilitation, we offer low-cost online workgroups for both male addicts and male porn addicts, which is a new rehabilitation. Click here for information about our Sex Addiction Working Group. Click here for information about our Porn Addiction Working Group.