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The Impact of Purity Culture: Thoughts from Plymouth, Minnesota

Pictures of interiors of Catholic churches. It's important to explore adverse religious experiences, religious trauma, and other religion-related stressors with a sex therapist in Plymouth, MN.
26 Nov

*Disclaimer: Much of this blog addresses issues related to cisgender women in heterosexual relationships. However, this does not underestimate the impact of ARE experiences for LGBTQIA+ identifying individuals.


religion and sex

One of my clinical specialties is working with individuals who have experienced adverse religious experiences (ARE). As a sex therapist, I often address these experiences through open discussions about sex, helping clients explore how religious beliefs impact their sexual health and relationships. This allows us to explore how these issues impact overall mental health, including relationship intimacy, sexual desire issues, performance anxiety, and past events that impact sexual relationships. These experiences may involve challenges such as family abandonment, community isolation, and the harm caused by purity culture.
A common challenge I encounter is that religious heterosexual women feel quite distressed about sexual relationships with their husbands. Many of these women struggle to reconcile their faith with their sexual experiences, leading to feelings of confusion and frustration. Although they “save” themselves for marriage, they find it difficult to “relax” and enjoy intimacy. In some cases, they even experience physical pain during sex but still carry on, believing it is their “responsibility” to ensure their husbands are satisfied.
Many clients tell me that their pain is normalized or minimized when they seek guidance from clergy or elders in their religious community. This dynamic leaves them questioning what is wrong with their bodies and feeling emotionally distressed about their role in the relationship because they feel unable to please their spouse.


Defining Purity Culture

In the photo, a man's hand holds out two heart-shaped promise/purity rings. Purity culture can negatively impact men, women, teenagers, boys and girls. Seek help from a Plymouth, MN sex therapist here.

Purity culture is rooted in conservative interpretations of Christianity, particularly among evangelical and fundamentalist branches of faith. It promotes abstinence before marriage and often links a person’s moral worth to his or her sexual behavior. In particular, women are encouraged to remain “pure” for their future spouses, reinforcing this commitment with symbols such as purity rings or vows.
Purity culture, although closely associated with conservative Christianity, also exists in other religions Islam great emphasis on humility (shame) and chastity before marriage. premarital sex (other) In many interpretations of Islamic law, sexual intercourse is considered a grave sin, and there are strict guidelines for gender interactions. orthodox Judaismthere are laws including Znewt This refers to the principle of modesty in dress and behavior, especially for women. These standards tend to become stricter after marriage, prohibiting premarital sex and having specific rules for physical contact between unmarried men and women. Nida Women need to undergo sexual separation and ritual cleansing during menstruation.​ hinduism In the same tradition, menstruating women face restrictions on religious space and daily activities. They are seen as “polluted” and in some cases women are seen as “cursed” until the end of their cycle, which reinforces ideals of purity.


Impact on sex education and health

In communities dominated by a purity culture, comprehensive sex education is often replaced by pure abstinence-only programs. Study shows abstinence-only education is less effective than comprehensive sex education in preventing teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
Teenagers who receive a comprehensive education are less likely to have an unintended pregnancy than those who receive a comprehensive education, a study finds abstinence only educate. Furthermore, this limited education often overlooks key topics such as agree and healthy sexual communication, which may leave individuals unprepared for a balanced and respectful relationship. ​This sex education gap May have a negative impact on overall sexual health and awareness, making it more difficult for individuals to make informed decisions about contraception and boundaries.


Sex therapy can help

The photo shows a black woman holding her head in her hands, looking depressed. Shame and blame for religious trauma are often the result of purity culture. Get support from a Plymouth, MN sex therapist here.

To combat the influence of purity culture, it is necessary to move toward a more compassionate and holistic understanding of sexuality that emphasizes consent, communication, and mutual respect. This approach can help individuals shed the shame and guilt associated with rigid ideas of sexual “purity” and empower them to make informed choices about their bodies. By recognizing that one’s worth is independent of sexual history, individuals can build healthier self-esteem and stronger relationships.
A key part of healing involves adjusting to unrealistic expectations about sex, especially those influenced by purity culture. Many people believe that sex in marriage will automatically satisfy them simply because they waited. I often use the light switch analogy with my clients. Religious teachings teach that once permission is granted (marriage), sex is as simple as turning the lights on or off. However, entering a marriage without a clear understanding of one’s body or sexual orientation can often lead to confusion and frustration. Recognizing that sexual satisfaction requires communication, mutual exploration, and patience, it’s important to align expectations with reality.
Therapy can help couples adjust their sexual relationships, cultivate intimacy, and develop a more realistic understanding of healthy sexual relationships. In my practice as a sex therapist, I work with couples and individuals to dismantle the harmful messages often instilled in purity culture and other limiting belief systems.
By addressing unrealistic expectations and exploring sexual and emotional health, therapy can promote recovery and help individuals develop a more balanced and nuanced view of sex. This process often involves discussing personal values, enhancing communication skills, and recognizing the importance of consent and mutual respect in relationships. Therapy can also help individuals face and process feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety related to sexual experiences.


Interested in starting sex therapy in Plymouth, MN?

When clients work through these emotions, they often find that they can embrace their sexuality in healthier ways, leading to improved self-esteem and more fulfilling relationships. Ultimately, this therapeutic journey enables clients to redefine their understanding of intimacy and sexuality—recognizing that they are distinct concepts—enabling them to engage more authentically and shamelessly in their relationships. Our sex therapists want to help you solve sexual problems In Plymouth, or anywhere in Minnesota where online therapy is available. Get started by These simple steps:

  1. Contact the Institute for Sexual Health to schedule your first appointment.
  2. Make an appointment with one of our experienced sex therapists.
  3. Start building better communication with your partner, overcome sexual issues, and experience new levels of fun and intimacy in your relationship!​


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