Man exposes himself and beats woman with dead seagull

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In this category, we’ve definitely moved beyond “funny and weird” and into the realm of “weird.” After all, the title ‘Man exposes himself and beats woman with dead seagull’ There are just too many problems.

If you’re like me (when I first stumbled upon this story), you probably have a vague idea of ​​how events unfold.

You might think he showed his private parts, she laughed, he got mad, and then he picked up the dead bird.

But my God, how come we are both so Very Incorrect.

Let’s take a closer look at this bizarre story. Then, we’ll do two things. First, we’ll thank the universe and all our lucky stars that these women escaped relatively unscathed. Second, we’ll take a few minutes to cry for humanity.

“Man exposes himself” – this is just the beginning

It was Tuesday, August 23^road Lakeside in Hamburg, Germany, 2022.

The victim, 31, was walking his dog with two friends. It was a beautiful day, surrounded by forests, beaches and lapping waters, and you wouldn’t think anything bad would happen.

Suddenly, the attacker appeared from nowhere.

Not only was the 41-year-old’s behavior despicable, but his behavior was chaotic and disorderly, making one think he was on drugs or had suffered severe brain damage (just a guess).

He continued to verbally abuse the three women before kicking the victim’s dog.

As the girls rushed to check if the puppy was okay, the hostess quickly and calmly took out her phone and called the police.

But within seconds of them taking their eyes off the guy, he pulled out his cock.

But this isn’t the end. And it’s not just the birds that are coming.

There was obviously no laughter. By then, the ladies knew the man was insane. However, this was not confirmed until he grabbed a nearby dead seagull and began to hit his victim with it.

Strange escape

The police arrived soon. That’s when the guy tried to escape…

…across the lake.

Yep. Somehow this man thought it would be a brilliant idea to doggie-paddle/breaststroke (who knows) his way through the water. Thank goodness he was too dumb to remember there’s this brilliant invention called a jet ski.

With the help of a handy boat loaned by the fire department and the police helicopter, two police officers quickly pulled the man out of the water and towed him back to the police station.

It was only then that everyone realized how lucky these women were.

Because this guy was carrying two knives.

No more details – just speculation

No other details could be shared other than police are keeping everyone’s name confidential. That’s probably because the incident happened so recently.

We can probably assume that the victims are relatively okay – because otherwise the media would announce any significant harm. But we can be sure that she was shocked (and everyone hugged her and applauded her quick response). We can also assume that the dog was safe and survived. This is also because you can be sure that if the dog died, the news would 100% tell everyone (and hug the dog).

Yes, that’s fine if you’re just as worried about the poor dog (and no doubt the lady was, too).

In the case of this “man exposing himself” story, that is indeed the case.

However, even in the seemingly safest places, safety is something that needs to be taken into consideration. It’s sad when we have to constantly remember to tell someone where we are going, not to travel alone, to have a second line of defense, etc. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.

After all, as this story shows us, the world does have weirdos.

Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt to keep a jar of nutmeg handy.

Spray their asses.