Why People Don’t Get What They Want in Life (5 Reasons)

For us, nothing is more tender and meaningful than our deepest dreams.

In fact, our desires are so real and tender that we often find sneaky, subtle ways to avoid them altogether.

Do you know someone who has been saying for years that they want something more than anything?

Yet, when push comes to shove, you see them doing next to nothing to achieve those dreams?

Or worse, maybe you see them blatantly sabotaging their lives, making choices or accepting life conditions that are directly contrary to what they say they want.

Perhaps you yourself have imagined your ideal life time and again, but it seems just out of reach.

Today, we’ll explore five common obstacles that prevent our dreams from becoming a reality. Then, we’ll discuss how to cross the gap from hoping and dreaming to experiencing and having.

First, a personal story

Many years ago, I lived in a large city with my then-fiancée (now wife), Demetra.

As much as I enjoyed living with her and the life we ​​were building, I was increasingly feeling drained by the city.

The noise of the city center wears me out. I wear custom earplugs and noise-canceling headphones to block out the sounds of the surroundings almost every time I go out. The surrounding concrete has a dead, sad feel.

Deep down in my heart? I crave nature. Lots of nature.

Although I could increase my exposure to nature by taking walks in the forest or visiting the local nude beach in the summer, I still wanted more.

I don’t want to spend hours a week in nature. I don’t want to go on a nature vacation once in a while. To be honest, I want to be immersed in nature.

Around this time, Demetra and I began looking for a home of our own. We both admitted that while our rental apartment had a large, green, shared backyard, we wanted more.

As we traveled, we saw more and more houses filled with nature.

Once we did that, every layer of resistance inside of me started to come out.

“What if the idea of ​​being surrounded by nature is just a pipe dream and I actually hate the reality of it?

If I wasn’t mobile enough to live a rural life, and Demetra didn’t think I could handle a large renovation on my own, would she think I was a failure and leave me?

What if it gets too quiet where we live and I become starved of stimulation and lose my mind (like the guy in The Shining) and never create anything again, our marriage falls apart, and I die alone, drinking rainwater from the gutter?

My thoughts keep coming!

Every neurotic thought possible! I have them all.

In fact, I discovered something in my body, heart, and mind.

I was craving nature so much.

So it made sense that such a tender, genuine desire was attacked and blocked by everything my mind could think of.

Then we found our dream home and bought it right away. It was over 120 years old, very run down and in need of a lot of work…it now brings us endless joy every day and we know the birds and animals that visit our home daily (and seasonally).

Obviously, Demetra had her own concerns when we actually bought the house, but we didn’t let our concerns get the better of us.

If we had let fear take over, we wouldn’t have the life we ​​have today, surrounded by farmland, trees, chirping birds, and hundreds of twittering frogs in the spring, and the tinkling of raindrops on the tin roof of our bedroom in the fall.

OK, enough about myself. Now let’s look at the five things that hold us back from achieving our dreams.

Why people don’t live up to their ideal life

1. They talk themselves out of thinking about what they really want.

The simplest reason people don’t get what they want is that they are essentially blinded by their own desires.

They notice their desire for a healthy relationship…an ideal body…a higher income…and they think about it and convince themselves that this desire is foolish. It was never real.

“oh That“Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking. That wasn’t me at all.”

“I’m destined to be a crazy old cat lady…”

“According to my horoscope, I will never be successful in love, money, friendship or health in my life…”

Of all the reasons we’ve listed, this one is both the saddest and the most psychologically lazy.

This is sad because these people are often the closest to truly living their dream life.

This is lazy because there are only two ways to achieve what we want in life. 1) Take responsibility, work hard, and get what we want; 2) Pretend we don’t want it and live with increasing resentment, frustration, and depression for the rest of our lives.

In the short term, it’s much easier to give up on your goals. To throw away your dreams. To say, “Well, I don’t really care about this.”

But think about how you will suffer every day for the rest of your life because you didn’t pursue it. You didn’t honor your inner truth.

Think about the people who would be influenced, inspired, and encouraged by your example. But the opposite is true.

Those who talk themselves out of their deepest desires do a triple disservice because instead of becoming who they could be, they become a worse version of themselves and fail to help those they could be.

Is that a depressing thought? Well, it’s just the beginning.

2. They cherry-pick evidence that supports their fears, not their wishes.

A favorite strategy of those who avoid their dreams is to immerse themselves in selective evidence as to why it is a bad idea.

“There’s no way I could marry someone I love and who loves me. Have you seen the divorce rate lately?”

“There’s no way I could start my own business. Haven’t you heard that one in five businesses fail in their first year?”

“Why should I bother getting my body in shape? All the women on my side of the family are this body type, so there’s no way around it. I’m screwed!”

It doesn’t matter whether they selectively gather evidence from the family, community, societal or global level. They use whatever is necessary to justify staying where they are.

Over and over again,They will go over and over in their mind why things won’t work out. They focus on endless “what ifs,” but only in a negative direction.

3. They didn’t show courage

Many of the projects on this list are implicitly driven by this factor. They just haven’t mustered the necessary courage to make the change.

Whether they are afraid of “failure” or the reality of taking on more responsibility than they believe they are capable of, many people will find ways to put their dreams on hold until they die.

Here’s the thing. Growth takes courage. Of course it does. In order to become someone new, you need to do something new. And doing new things takes courage.

It takes courage to say, “Yes, I will try this new thing, and I may not do it well and it will be terrible, but that’s OK! I’m here to build a masterpiece of my life anyway, so who cares if it’s a mess and I stumble along the way?”

Here’s the truth. Time is going to pass no matter what. You are going to get older no matter what. Life is going to keep moving forward, and it’s going to keep moving forward.

So, do you want to live the more expansive life that your stronger self can reach? Or do you want to let fear rule for a few more years? The choice is entirely yours.

4. They only listen to reason and ignore their own heart

An untrained mind is nothing but a Pandora’s box full of noise.

It is indeed its duty to express concerns and doubts.

Imagine you have a coworker who is known to drink coffee 24 hours a day, and who is actually hired to predict all possible worst-case scenarios. Sure, you may have heard what this person has to say in team meetings. But you wouldn’t let them run the entire company and make daily decisions.

Yet this is exactly what people do in their daily lives.

They take the most fearful, the smallest, the most limited, the most painful part of themselves and say, “From now on, you make every decision here. Once you make these decisions, I will never question them. Not even once.”

Does this sound a little silly? Maybe a second-rate strategy for making a good living? Yes, I agree.

When one bases their entire life solely on their own thoughts…priding themselves on being a “rational” person…your life will eventually become as bland and boring as a piece of beige cardboard.

5. They don’t say “yes” enough to their needs

Simply put, saying yes to your dreams is a habit. And, it’s a self-reinforcing habit.

Why? Because action is followed by evidence, and then emotion.

So if you take action to say “yes” to your dreams, then you get positive reinforcement for the desired outcome, you get the associated positive emotions, and you’re more likely to listen to your heart in the future.

Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.

If a person is conditioned to reject (or publicly shame or belittle the validity of their dreams), then their life slowly starts to fall apart. They make safe choices. Get safe outcomes. Their hearts slowly wither and withdraw, joining the ranks of countless men and women who live lives of quiet desperation.

They have become so used to being settled in every aspect of their lives and being around people who do the same things so thoroughly that it has become the norm. It has become habit. “That’s just the way it is.”

“I did my part (But actually no)… The rest is up to life whether or not I deserve it.”

At the same time, their souls disappeared, sparks flew, and they were irreplaceable.

How to Powerfully Reclaim the Life You Want

Look, it’s not too late.

In fact, it never existed.

I have worked with many clients in their 60s, 70s, and 80s who have found the love of their life…

I have seen so many people lose hundreds of pounds…

I’ve seen countless people finally allow themselves to do the work that fuels their true talents burning inside of them.

It’s never too late. It’s never too late. It’s never too late.

It depends on a decision.

Will you admit that you want it or that you don’t want it?

You might be saying, “What is ‘it’?”

You know what it is. It’s what’s on your mind as you finish reading this article.

It requires you to overcome your fear.

It will require the previous version of you to die so that the new you can be reborn.

You already have within you everything you need to achieve this goal.

The only question is whether you allow yourself to go there.

Simply admit What already exists wants to come to pass through you.

Then have the courage to make it a reality.

I started this company in tears when I, Jordan Gray, was 25 years old. I was terrified. But I was even more terrified of what my life would become if I didn’t follow my heart.

I first met Demetra when I was 32, and the only way we could have a relationship was to jump right in. I was terrified. But I knew if I didn’t jump into the void, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

At 34, life presented me with an opportunity to buy my dream house in a place I had barely heard of a few months before. I jumped off a cliff and grew wings on the way down.

Yes, it is scary. Yes, it is okay to feel uncomfortable.

But for God’s sake, please think about the lives (every day) you are giving up by not making the choices you know in your heart.

What I hope most is that you have the courage to reach out and say yes to life. Say yes to what you want.

Your dreams are ready and waiting for you. They want you to pick them up and run with them. Or, even walk. Or crawl.

Accept them anyway and do something about them.

Committed to your success,

Jordan

PS: If you enjoyed this article about your biggest dream in life, it might also be helpful to check out the following resources:

– Apply for Jordan’s one-on-one tutoring

– A big test before taking the first step

– “Why am I still single?” 5 reasons + solutions

– Hope is a bad plan

– 7 Very Reasonable Things You Can Expect in a Partner

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