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Who am I in the kink? Part 3: Words of Safe, Limitation and

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15 Mar

As BDSM and rough sex become more popular throughout the media, it is important in our lives to learn how to learn things in a safe way. Maybe you’ve been curious about exploring the rough aspects of sexuality and intimacy. Maybe you want to try some characters or scenes, but you’re not sure where to start. Maybe you are nervous about physical or emotional harm. This blog series is all about curiosity and exploration, while teaching you tools that can keep you and your partner safe.
At the heart of Kink/BDSM is the exchange of power between consent partners through a series of activities and Basil Price (also known as scenes and meetings). BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, domination and surrender, sadism and masochism. There are always two aspects of communication: dominant and obedient. The dominant has control in the scene, while the submissive gives up control in the scene.
As the previous blog says, the dominant and submissive styles come in many different styles and together create a fulfilling scene and/or dynamic. But how do you start talking about the scene or something you want? How do you make sure everyone is safe? In this blog post, I will discuss ways to be safe and negotiate what you need and want.


The best scene is the safest scene

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Security is the number one rule among Kink and BDSM. Not only physically safe, but also mentally and emotionally safe. In BDSM, your partner’s safety and concern are the route that separates consensus behavior from abuse and manipulation. There are many different guides and philosophies inside the kink. It is important to find one that suits your practice and lifestyle, as everyone has pros and cons.
First, the most basic philosophy is the entanglement of security, reason and consensus (SSC). This is the oldest moral framework in tangled practice, even before BDSM and community are indeed a thing. The main focus of this framework is to ensure that individuals are physically and mentally protected from harm. However, it lacks the scope of security that can exist between completely harmless risks. And isn’t it a personal decision on what is safe enough?
This leads to the so-called risk perception consensus entanglement (shelf). This guide brings previous ideas of safety, sanity and consensus into the additional factors that understand the inherent risks of certain tangled activities. Consent remains a major component, but it knows that certain tangled practices (such as needle stabbing) may be inherent risks. These risks are determined by the individuals involved and creates the security that can be achieved in those agreed scenarios.
The next philosophy based on the first two foundations is called personal responsibility, informed, voluntary entanglement (sting). Of course, this framework includes consent forms and being informed of risks, but it adds another layer: personal responsibility. This is an important aspect of the entanglement, which boils down to being responsible for your own safety by informing your partner about the restrictions and the risks involved and using safe words when needed. It emphasizes that it is not just one person’s sole responsibility that makes everyone safe on the scene, but often the dominant responsibility. Each partner has their own responsibilities to make everything as safe as possible.


Words stop and words go

Safe word or physical signals are used to indicate how you feel emotionally, mentally or physically. When one or both partners require the scene to end for any reason, safe words are often used as a way to stop the scene. Many times, individuals come up with a security word for an agreement, which will immediately stop what they are doing and move to post-care. But there are also safe words that are used to let the other party know that they either keep moving forward or slow down. The safe word core is used to indicate how someone feels, without having to be limited to stopping scenes. Many people use the so-called pressure light method. Green means keep going, yellow means slowing down or catching in, red means stopping everything immediately. It’s a great way to keep the line of communication during the scene and check-in, rather than waiting for someone to call for a red or hard stop safe word. The word safe is an important communication tool that is directly aligned with the philosophy of thorns, because it is partly your responsibility to ensure your safety.


Draw a line and a stone with sand

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Limitations are important for early dynamic discussions and are always required before the scene to avoid crossing important boundaries. There are two main types of restrictions: soft limit and hard limit. You may be wondering, limit is a limit, why should we distinguish it? It is important to distinguish between the two because they have very different meanings. Hard limits are boundaries that cannot be crossed under any circumstances. These can be triggers, behaviors you don’t want to be involved in, physical limitations, or even names you don’t want to be called. Hard restrictions will never be negotiated and must always be respected by partners. If a partner tries to break through the boundaries of hardness limits, this is the main red flag in this dynamic.
Instead, soft limits are something you may be willing to explore or discuss. They are not something that triggers you, nor are they something that causes mental and/or physical harm. They are usually behaviors or scenarios that you are interested in but are not ready to explore, or they are behaviors you don’t like but don’t hate and are willing to discuss their use. For example, suppose you don’t like kneeling in a corner as punishment, but with consent, your partner can be satisfied with your partner. This can be considered a soft limit on how it is used between two partners. Soft restrictions are not something that should be crossed without your explicit consent, or maybe something you never want to cross. It doesn’t matter. They are not something you will try in the future. You can always change your mind about them and take them off the table at any time. They are also something that can be discussed and negotiated with partners, but ultimately you have a final decision on soft restrictions.

Exploring your entanglement and BDSM’s identity can be novel and exciting, and even a little scary. There may be a lot of mistakes in a scenario. It is important to understand the risks of the scenario as much as possible, and have your own needs and desired risks in the kink. While respecting the needs and needs of your partner, always advocate these needs and needs in the scenarios and dynamics. Finding your preferences and limitations takes time and practice, and if you don’t get to know them right away, that’s OK. The word safe is not only built-in when it appears, but also for the purpose of accidentally crossing the boundaries. No matter how safe you are, things will happen, and it is important to continue communicating with your partner when things come on. BDSM is all about consensus, and the way to continue learning more about it is the best way to keep you and your partner safe.


Log in dotted line

The negotiation puts everything I discussed above into practice. Negotiation is not only a one-time thing, it should continue to happen throughout the relationship/dynamic period. Regarding the limit, communication between likes and safe words always needs to happen before the scene and always happens when there is a capable, non-damage headspace. This means discussion when sober, but it also means discussion without any kind of power exchange to talk. In negotiations, individuals are equal in power, so neither one or both will affect the other. In these negotiations, it is especially important to feel safe to say and not to explain its limits and boundaries.
There are many different ways to negotiate. Many people find it helpful to fill out forms that show that they like, soft and hard limits. Often, these tables have a space for each partner to help facilitate discussions around matching likes, restrictions, or contrasting likes and restrictions. Additionally, some people like and even require a contract that BDSM dynamic. It sounds terrible, but it is for the benefit of both parties rather than falling into submission. It lists everyone’s important likes and limitations and expectations for everyone in the dynamic. It can sometimes also list the rules of compliance, as well as the rules required for its dominance, such as late conventions and check-in. As long as negotiations are completed in a safe and voluntary manner, there is no wrong or correct way to negotiate.


Security Exploration

Exploring your entanglement and BDSM’s identity can be novel and exciting, and even a little scary. There may be a lot of mistakes in a scenario. It is important to understand the risks of the scenario as much as possible, and have your own needs and desired risks in the kink. While respecting the needs and needs of your partner, always advocate these needs and needs in the scenarios and dynamics. Finding your preferences and limitations takes time and practice, and if you don’t get to know them right away, that’s OK. The word safe is not only built-in when it appears, but also for the purpose of accidentally crossing the boundaries. No matter how safe you are, things will happen, and it is important to continue communicating with your partner when things come on. BDSM is all about consensus, and the way to continue learning more about it is the best way to keep you and your partner safe.


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refer to

Adriana. (2023, March 24). SSC, Rack, Spine and CCCC: Security of BDSM Guide. Bad Girl Bible.

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