Healthy Sex Addicts: Part 1, Timing

Scott Brassart

Many of the questions I hear from restorative sex and porn addicts, whether I co-hosted a webinar, facilitated a temporary discussion group, or taught online working groups to restore gender or porn addicts, are all about healthy sexual behaviors. What is healthy sexual behavior? What does it look like? Can I participate? Would I like it? In many cases, rehabilitation addicts who ask these questions are worried because they are now recovering from sexual, pornography or paired substance/sex addiction that they will never be able to enjoy sexual activity.

Happily, this is not the case. Healthy sexual behavior able Definition, although every addict looks different, and absolutely able enjoy. In fact, many recovered sex and porn addicts say they find “sober sex” more meaningful than the best version of “addiction”. No, sober genders usually do not provide the neurobiological shock of adrenaline and dopamine that addicts receive as they become addicted, but other neurochemical rewards (especially the hits of serotonin and oxytocin, which we get from intimate feelings) can compensate for.

Scott Brassart is the author of books such as “Rehabilitation and Rehabilitation of Sex and Porn Addiction”.

Of course, to enjoy sober sex, one must first establish and stay awake. Typically, this sobriety takes at least six months so that the brain’s reward center can be cured by the damage caused by active addiction. Restorative and porn addicts can begin reintegrating healthy sexual behavior into their lives when sexual awakening is firmly present and the brain’s reward center has the opportunity to reset things close to their natural baseline.

At this point, recovery addicts are:

• Identify and change their problematic sexual behavior pattern (the cycle of addiction).
• Learn to manage your feelings in a healthy way, rather than always turning to addictive behavior.
• Their unresolved trauma was identified and the process of healing it began.

Now they are ready to check the intensity of their addiction and how to use that intensity to escape rather than connect. Often, they will have to grieve at losing that intensity as they move forward into a sober sex life. More importantly, they are not allowed to search or try to recreate the intensity of their addictive behavior – dopamine/adrenaline stimulation. To do this, they must:

• Avoid sexual behavior caused by sexual behavior (including masturbation), or addictive thoughts, fantasies and desires induced by induced.
• Avoid sexual fantasy triggers addictive thoughts or desires.
• Avoid people at risk (formerly performing partners), places (some communities, bars, etc.) and behaviors (porn, trigger movies or TV shows, etc.)
• Avoid other addictive behaviors such as alcohol, drug use and smoking – because adrenaline/dopamine hits these behaviors prevent the healing of the brain’s reward system (normalization). Nicotine is particularly harmful in this regard.

Sometimes, restorative and porn addicts find that their sexual desire is dormant without the intensity of an active addiction. This can be painful, especially for men who suddenly find themselves suffering from erectile dysfunction. (This is especially common when porn is an important part of addiction.) In this case, I recommend that recovery addicts see it as a blessing in disguise – a brief breath from the attraction of active addiction. I also let them know that this is a universal recovery phase and it will pass as soon as possible – once their brain’s reward center is able to reset, as mentioned, a reliable recovery usually takes place for six months or more.

When sobering is established and maintained, the brain’s reward center has the opportunity to reset, restore sexual, porn, and material/sex addicts and can begin to develop healthy emotional intimacy with themselves, partners (if there is one) and others. In doing so, they should focus primarily on building vulnerability and intimacy (emotional connections) rather than intensity. As time goes by, as they get better in close relationships, they can slowly reintroduce healthy sexual behavior by focusing on “seven dimensions of healthy sex”, which I will discuss in the next post.

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If you or someone you care about is struggling with sexual, pornography, or material/sex addiction, please help. Seeking integrity to provide hospitalization for sexual, pornographic and material/sex drug users as well as low-cost online task force. Meanwhile, sexAndRelationshiphealing.com offers a variety of free webinars and visit discussion groups, podcasts, and more.