When paraspirituality threatens your marriage

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Sometimes I see or work with a man whose wife is preparing to file for divorce and he reacts by getting high. He claimed that her actions and choices were either due to his wife’s turning away from the Lord, demonic activity, or both.

In some cases, it’s just an escalation of his longstanding behavior. Other times, a man becomes like this when he realizes his wife is considering leaving.

I’m all for spirituality, but paraspirituality is something else. The man started gossiping about his wife in the name of asking for prayers. He may pray for his wife, but he also judges her.

There are two questions.

First of all, these guys never show any favor to their wives. I’m sure they could tell you why her sin means she doesn’t deserve grace, but that’s just the reason. This goes against the message of the gospel.

The second problem is that these men are so focused on all the things she does wrong that they fail to notice what they themselves are doing wrong. Often when men go down this path, their wives have had a lot of wrongdoings in the past. They think they’ve solved the problem, God has forgiven them, so they think it’s not a problem. But even if he has changed, it would be foolish to expect his wife to forgive him and completely change her attitude.

If you see what I’ve described, know that your behavior is driving your wife away. I’ve never seen this work on a man, and I’ve seen it end marriages that could have been saved.

If you are not extending grace and forgiveness every time, you are not treating your wife the way Jesus wants you to treat her.

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