How do we best define cheating?

Infidelity is the most stinging betrayal.

When we are addicted to sex or pornography, our definition of infidelity may not match our partner’s definition. We find all kinds of reasons to explain why our behavior isn’t really cheating, even though we know our significant other would vehemently object if he or she knew what we were doing. To clarify what constitutes infidelity, sex addiction therapist and author Dr. Robert Weiss states:

Infidelity (cheating) is a breakdown of trust that occurs when you hide intimate and meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.

Interestingly, this definition doesn’t talk about extramarital affairs, pornography, strip clubs, hookup apps, or any other specific sexual or romantic behavior. Instead, it focuses on what matters most to our partners: the loss of relationship trust. It’s not any specific sexual or romantic behavior that causes the most pain for our partners. Rather, it’s lies, secret keeping, lies of omission, manipulation, and the fact that he or she no longer believes a single thing we say or do (or anything we said and did in the past). Losing trust defines cheating.

today’s task
Look at your sexual behavior through the lens of Dr. Rob’s definition of infidelity.

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