Step 9: Scary but necessary

Admitting mistakes and making amends is the highest form of self-respect.

Step 9 says that as part of our recovery, we should make amends directly to those we have hurt whenever possible, unless doing so would harm them or others. Not surprisingly, Step 9 is one of the scariest steps in the recovery process. The thought of confronting someone we have hurt, admitting what we have done, apologizing and making amends when appropriate, and then living a different life in the future is daunting at best. Yet making amends is rarely difficult. Almost everyone is receptive to a good-faith effort. Sometimes, someone we have held a grudge against for a long time will use the opportunity to make amends of their own to us. Occasionally, the person we are making amends to is not receptive. They may not trust our motives, they may be too angry with us to accept our amends, they may even have emotional or psychological issues that prevent them from accepting our amends. So be it. That is their prerogative. We make amends regardless, because this is our recovery, not theirs.

Today’s Task
Consider making amends selfishly—for yourself and your long-term recovery, not for others.