Rock Pride Month Interview with Alexandro Rox

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Lovense is honored to bring another voice to Pride Month with another interview – the Duke of Duality, social media influencer Alexandro Rox! From walking a dark, difficult path toward acceptance and self-love, to blossoming into a stunning walking piece of art, Rox’s message will resonate with many.

Q1: When did you first feel that your sex assigned at birth did not match your gender identity?

I always felt like there was something wrong with my existence. If I wasn’t wearing pink clothes and skirts, I would usually be mistaken for a boy. As a child I prayed to God to turn me into a boy. It wasn’t until I was 32 that I learned that hormones were available.

Q2: Have you ever encountered difficulties because you are transgender? If so, can you share that incident and how you dealt with it?

At the time, my husband was totally upset that I wanted to transition. I was very surprised because I had always been very masculine. Long story short, he didn’t love me enough to stay together, and I quote, he refused to sleep with anyone with a beard. That was one of the most difficult times I have ever faced in my life because of my gender.

Q3: What does gender #TRANSition mean to you, and how do you feel now after being #TRANSitioned?

When we’re born, doctors usually tell us whether we’re male or female based on our appearance. Most people who are labeled male at birth eventually identify as male, and most people who are labeled female at birth grow up to be female. But some people’s gender identity — their innate sense of who they are at birth — is different from what they were originally expected to be at birth. Most of these people describe themselves as transgender.

Being in the pre-transition phase was hard. I looked weird in the mirror, was required (even forced as a child) to participate in female activities and friends, and even to enjoy sex in a certain way. It was exhausting and confusing.

The transition process itself was harder. I was identified as transgender, both by myself and others, and that made my anxiety worse. All my flaws as a man, and all my flaws as a woman, were exposed to everyone around me. Now that I’ve been transitioning for several years, it feels normal, like having two arms and two legs.

I feel like my life began after I transitioned. It’s amazing how connected and in your own world you can be when you’re no longer trapped in the prison of gender dysphoria.

Q4: When did you decide to make a change and how did you overcome the challenges in your #TRANSition journey?

At 32, happily married to a teenager, I discovered testosterone. At first I felt cheated. “You mean I don’t have to spend 32 years trying to act like a ‘woman’?” My then-husband made it clear that he did not support my transition. In the months before I started testosterone, I hated transitioning. I was terrified of transitioning, and I tried to trick myself into thinking I wasn’t really trans. I repressed this feeling, hiding it deep inside. I would have given anything to avoid transitioning.

As time passed, and through the weeks and months my ex spent mourning the loss of my female self (no testosterone at the time), I began to accept that I was trans, whether I wanted to be or not. I acknowledged that gender dysphoria was bad, and that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life hating myself and hiding my true self. I now know that transitioning does not address the underlying disorder. Gender dysphoria is about identity, not sexual orientation. I was never gay; I was interested in dating boys and always had been. My marriage ended shortly before I started hormone therapy.

Q5: If you could go back in time and give one piece of advice to your younger self/your self before starting #TRANSition, what would you say?

Transitioning is not the answer to the underlying problem. I have a lot of things I want to say to my younger self and to young people who are struggling like me. This is not going to sound like the cliché “everything will be fine.” But it can be different. You will find a way through your demons, and you will find strength and beauty not because of them, but because of them.

The pain you experience in questioning your place in the world will transform into the joy of finding a place, discovering your passion, your people, and your beauty. As a child, seeing my reflection would make me physically ill. It would send me into depression. I couldn’t see the future because I couldn’t imagine myself growing old in this world.

But somehow, through this, I learned that our trans bodies are beautiful. I learned that carrying on our community’s history is a gift that I will never stop giving back. I learned that pain, confusion, and self-doubt can actually be our path to light, happiness, and confidence.

Question 6: What misunderstandings does society have about transgender people? Which ones would you like to clarify?

Gender and sex are not the same thing. Cisgender women are not the only ones who can menstruate and get pregnant. Transgender is an umbrella term that covers many identities. There are more pronouns than just “he” and “she.”

Q7: What topic or question do you wish people would ask more about trans people?

I want people to ask about pronouns and the difference between sex and gender.

Question 8: What solutions or measures should society take to help promote acceptance and understanding of the transgender community?

You can’t tell if someone is transgender just by appearance.

Don’t jump to conclusions about a trans person’s sexual orientation. If you don’t know what pronouns to use, listen before you ask. Don’t ask a trans person what their “real name” is. Understand the difference between “coming out” as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and “coming out” as transgender.

Q9: What is the best thing that has happened to you since you started your #TRANSformation journey?

Learn how to love yourself.

Q10: What is the best way to support a transgender friend, family member, or loved one who has just decided to start their #TRANSition? Do you have anything to say to those who have not yet come out or started their transition journey?

The best way to be supportive is to do your research and be informed so you can understand what your friend or loved one is going through. Coming out as trans is a good thing compared to being miserable and living an inauthentic life. Congratulating your friend/relative will show that you respect their decision and are happy that he/she can be who they are.

For those who are about to start their journey:
“The best part about this is watching you become more and more like yourself.”