Adult Topic Blogs

Relationship Blogs – Dr. Jane Guyn


Here in Bend, things are blooming and it’s absolutely gorgeous now that the rain has eased up. I’ve been paddling. And also dancing up a storm in my West Coast Swing class and community. Plus my HS reunion is coming up later this month, and I’m really looking forward to it. 

I had a conversation recently where I commented that female sexuality is more SoCal wildfire than a gas fireplace. It starts with the right conditions, takes a spark to light it, wind to whip it up. Once it’s on, it goes for weeks. Maybe that’s why society fears it so much. 

A lot of us know that “women need foreplay” to get turned on. But that’s just a tiny piece of the puzzle. Candles, a bubble bath, and tender kisses are okay, but they don’t get to the core.

Women get turned on when the people around them see them as erotic. If you show up with a bunch of roses and the attitude that your woman is never going to be turned on anyway (so what’s the use), I guarantee that things are going nowhere fast. 

The men (and women) around us are fuel for our eroticism. 
This includes you. It’s not limited to you, but we can talk about that later.
When others see us as sexually powerful, we see ourselves in that reflection. We react from a deep, raw place. 

This is why some women are “so much more sexual” than others. They are seen as sexually powerful from their partners and others in their environment. It’s a simple feedback loop. They see themselves in others’ eyes. And they respond.

The opposite is also true. 

This is one of the most damaging things about the way our culture responds to sex and sexuality. We mute ourselves. Many of us seldom talk about sex and if we do, it’s to complain not wanting it. Reinforcing a message that women shouldn’t be turned on. 

Women need variety. We get bored with you and with ourselves. We need sex that feels good to our bodies RIGHT NOW – not the way it felt good years ago. We hate it when you shame us about our bodies or our way of being. When you see us as “low libido” dried up, frigid or cold, we become that.

Want your woman to be sexy? Listen to what REALLY turns her on now and give her that. Look for the tiny spaces of pleasure in her life. Let her show you the way.

When you celebrate her, see her, welcome her, guide her, hold her, take her – she’s open, flowing, responsive, alive and hungry. 

This is what it means to welcome the sexual nature of a woman. 


PS: Know anyone who wants to work on this? Send them my info.

PSS: If you need inspiration to spark some of that variety I mentioned above, grab my “Sexy Adventures for Couples” guide for free. The adventures in this e-book will help you and your partner get out of your heads and into your bed – without pressure.

Use this LINK and download it for free by using the coupon code FREEGIFT. *The code will expire after this weekend, so don’t put it off.

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