Media Alana Evans never misses an opportunity to be in media

Most people don’t remember this, but Alana Evans once ran a scam called APAG. It was a fake alliance that she and a bunch of old coots used to swindle money from unsuspecting targets. This scam is not to be confused with another BIPOC scam run by Sinnamon Love, a failed old witch.

Anyway, when Alana and her wizened menopausal friends decided APAG was dead in the water, they basically left.

According to the website, they haven’t seen each other in almost a year:

Even their Twitter feed is dormant:

That is until a couple of dumber than life porn chicks started making a loud noise, calling the AVN Host Hotel a cooking strike. If I know anything about porn chicks, they can ignore rape, beatings of women, and animal abuse, but they very clearly draw the line at sub-par wages.

This is Alana, she’s jumping into porn, it really doesn’t matter. Hopefully she can get one last interview before the kids send her off to a retirement community.

I think my favorite part of this tweet is Alana’s use of the word “vote” haha

What goes around is this, Alana was upset after losing a shuffleboard game to Mr. anger. Using Google, she discovered potential mainstream interview bait here. You see, on the surface, the “Pornographic Alliance” makes the headlines, but in reality, APAG is nothing more than an old ladies knitting club.

Alana says to herself in a falsetto voice, “Alana, you need to jump on this”, to which Alana responds in her own voice, “but I don’t like peas”.

Fake Alana “For Alana’s sake, take your cholinesterase inhibitors and focus.”

“You’re right, fake Alana, this could be my chance to get into heaven” Hurry, APAG phone”

Fake Alana, you haven’t paid for an APAG phone since your APAG scam failed, you’d be better off using a Jitterbug phone

Well, Fake Alana, I just took a mental vote and APAG was involved and the vote was 3-2.

I kind of miss making fun of Alana and her close friends. Hopefully these underpaid culinary professionals will lead me to more positions