How to deal with Valentine’s Day depression

If you’ve ever seen February 14 approaching with fear, sadness, or just plain bitterness, then you know exactly why Valentine’s Day depression is one thing. Yes, it’s a day around love and joy, but sometimes when mid-February comes, you feel loveless and joyless. Maybe you are a fresh breakup or divorce, maybe you are single for a long time, or you are in a not-so-correct relationship. Regardless of the state of your relationship, if you don’t fit into the narrow, commercial definition of romantic love “assumed”, you will have some negative feelings at this time of year.

“Culturally speaking, Valentine’s Day is a highly fulfilling holiday, especially among young people and young women, especially among young people and young women,” Beth Brown, director of health and well-being at Compsych, told Sheknows. “There is a lot of external pressure and expectation to look and feel in some way.”

So if you feel frustrated on Valentine’s Day, know that you are far from alone. Just as December holidays can bring complex emotional and mental health issues, so is Valentine’s Day, especially when you compare the day to what you see on social media or movies. We asked two mental health experts how to achieve this when dealing with Valentine’s Day depression on February 14 (and all the days around) .

What is Valentine’s Day depression?

Valentine’s Day depression refers to those feelings of sadness, inadequacy, sadness and even jealousy – any negative, challenging emotions – you may encounter and trigger this holiday. Whether you cooperate or not, it can happen to each of us. If you are not in a relationship, maybe you will feel inadequate or even unshakable. If you feel sad about a breakup, the day “may be particularly triggered and may add to the feeling of loss or loneliness,” Brown said.

And those of us are not immune to Valentine’s Day depression in relationships, especially in “expectations and reality” [of the relationship] Don’t align. “Brown explained. “When a partner does not have a specific vision of how people think the day should be celebrated, it can cause complex feelings or disappointment. ”

“It feels very low during this time,” said David A. Yadush, senior clinical operations manager at BetterHelp. That’s why it’s important to shape the day in a way that suits you, including if you choose not Celebration words. “Good news? Yadush told Sheknows: “There are tools that can help you build confidence in yourself and your relationships, no matter what your relationship status is. ”

8 Tips for Coping with Valentine’s Day Depression

If you’re struggling with Valentine’s Day depression this year, both of our experts suggest that you’d better look at the holidays in a different light. As Yadush said, “There is no right or wrong way to celebrate love.” We are willing to bet that there is love in your life – maybe a lot! – Even if you are not in a romantic relationship. It’s just a matter of finding it, letting yourself appreciate it, and letting go of social media and capitalist expectations for Valentine’s Day.

Here are more expert-approved methods for dealing with Valentine’s Day depression:

Change your thinking about Valentine’s Day. February 14th does not have to be all about romantic love. Brown said you can also spiritually restructure it as “a relationship that includes other loving relationships such as family members and friends and self-love.” “It may be time to reflect on all areas of your life that you do feel love and belonging.” Yadush adds that this day is your definition. “Take a moment to appreciate the love that already exists in your life – the kindness of friends, family, pets, and even strangers, rather than focusing on what you are missing.”

Acknowledge how you feel. That is to say, it is OK to struggle with a difficult feeling on Valentine’s Day. “Recognizing that you may feel sad, lonely or wish you had a romantic partner to celebrate is actually healthy,” Brown explained. “Name emotions may actually help, thus eliminating some of the things they may be mastering,” he explained. Strength. “It’s definitely better than trying to push them aside or distract yourself by overbooking to avoid thinking about them – because when you try to push them away, you need to feel these feelings sooner or later. “Let the feelings know that they can feel like you,” Brown said.

Reflect on the positives of being single (if you are). If you’re not in partnership this year and have some way about it, that’s OK – but it’s also worth acknowledging the good part of being single. “For many people, this may allow for greater personal growth, freedom of decision making and the opportunity to build strong, meaningful relationships with friends and family,” Yadush explained. “This embrace in life can help your perspective Transform from a lack of perspective to a harvest.”

Practice gratitude and self-reflection. At the moment you feel negative, challenge yourself to be inclined to be grateful. Kadush recommends picking some things that you have throughout your life or your own (even if they are small) and reflect words of encouragement or affirmation you either receive or tell yourself. “Cultivating self-love and confidence not only benefits you, but also inspires others,” he explained.

Restrict social media usage. If you are the type of person who tends to feel inadequate or can’t help but compare when logging in to social media, consider limiting your use of these platforms on Valentine’s Day (or even a few days later). “Disconnecting can allow you to avoid content that might amplify your discomfort,” Yadush said. “Remember that what we’re seeing online is a well-curated highlight reel, and life is more complex.”

Stay in the present moment. When you feel frustrated, it’s easy to catastrophize and convince yourself that you will always feel this: unfortunately single, unshakable, disappointed with your relationship, or your negative inner voice now tells you. Get rid of this spiral of thought by intentionally taking root, through meditation, breathing, mindfulness practice, or any grounding technique that works for you. Try not to regret the future or the past. Instead, just stay in the present.

Do something (anything!) to bring you joy. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to match what’s displayed on Rom-Coms, Cards, or social media. Instead, show your love for yourself by doing what you really enjoy. Brown suggests having a day intentionally and scheduling an activity that makes you “joy and satisfying”, whether it’s dinner with friends, whipping your favorite meals, indulging in a comfortable bubble bath, or with what you like TV overnight display.

Reach out a helping hand. While it’s totally normal to have mixed or negative emotions around Valentine’s Day, you don’t have to spend them alone. If you feel you need more hands-on support, schedule some time to talk to your loved ones or to a therapist. “Acknowledge that you may be struggling with your mental health and have a compassionate qualified counselor ready and willing to provide a safe, non-judgmental space to help you rediscover your happiness and satisfaction,” explains.

Most importantly, don’t judge that you are not happy or romance on Valentine’s Day. No matter where you are, no matter what your relationship is, it is worthy of love and affection – whether it’s from a romantic partner, friend, family, a beloved pet or yourself! Forget stereotypes and let this Valentine’s Day you Want it, no matter who you are with.

The version of this article was originally published in 2011.

Before you set out, buy these books to help you show a positive year: