Beyond Sex: The Deeper Causes of Infidelity

This post is about an affair. The reason I didn’t post it on Saturday is because an affair is not primarily about sex. It’s much deeper than sex.

Psychotherapist Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity: Unleashing the Wisdom of Sex, believes that affairs occur because something is missing in the relationship or in the partner who is having an affair.

Some of you are thinking, “Yeah, men cheat because of a lack of sex in their marriage.” But plenty of men who don’t have sex don’t cheat, and some men who have lots of sex with their wives do cheat, so there has to be more to it than that.

Yes, a man may cheat because something is missing in the marriage, but I agree with Perel that the real reason for cheating is usually that something is missing in the cheating partner. He is trying to fix or fill something with another person instead of dealing with the real problem. He married his wife, most likely thinking that would solve the problem. When this is not the case, he can easily think that other women are the answer. Of course, it’s hard to admit this kind of thing, so we may fall back on the next best thing and say “I’m a man and I have needs.”

Ironically, the very problem he is trying to solve for his affair may be the main reason why he and his wife are unhappy in their marriage. If he solves the real problem, his urge to cheat will disappear, and his marriage may be better off.

Of course, for those women who cheat, all of the above is true.

Image credit: © Paul H Byerly Created using stockdreams.ai

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The post “Beyond Sex: The Deeper Causes of Infidelity” first appeared on The Generous Husband.