How do I balance showing interest and giving space? – Mutual

Ms. Mutual, I’m interested in this girl and want to spend more time with her, but I don’t want to annoy her and scare her off. How do I balance giving her space and messaging/spending time together?

The tricky thing about dating is that there are rarely one-size-fits-all answers. Part of getting to know a person is understanding the level of interaction and communication they are comfortable with.

Some people want to be in constant contact with you—spending every waking moment together and texting incessantly when you’re apart. To an introvert, this can sound like a death trap.

You’ll have to learn as you go, but here are some tips to guide you on how to solve the problem.

1. Respect others

Respect should always come first in any aspect of dating. If you message someone and they don’t respond as quickly as you’d like, be respectful of their time and schedule. Not everyone has the ability to always be on the phone, and even if they don’t respond right away, it doesn’t mean they’re not interested in you.

If the other person isn’t comfortable with the way you’re showing interest (maybe they don’t like all the compliments, or they’d rather meet in person than text nonstop), respect that by not pressuring them into doing anything that makes them uncomfortable. They may not tell you directly that they’re uncomfortable, but if you’re sensing weird vibes, maybe back off and try something different.

If someone decides they are not interested, respect their decision.

2. Ask questions

The only way to know if someone resonates with you or scares you is to either be a good mind reader or ask questions. This doesn’t mean you need to ask, “Hey, did I scare you?” But as you get to know each other, ask them if they’re an extrovert or an introvert. Ask them if they like to text all the time or if they’d rather save their conversations for when you’re in person. Ask them what kind of things they like to talk about and what they like to do. The better you get to know them, the better you’ll know how to communicate with them and whether you’re a good fit.

3. The right people won’t be scared away

You can be a perfect communicator, do everything right, say everything perfectly, and still not be right for someone. But if you are right for each other, they won’t be scared off even if you don’t do everything perfectly. So don’t overthink it. Just be yourself!

XO – MM

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