Full Disclosure: A Guide on How to Talk to Your Partner

When you enter a new relationship, there are a lot of twists and turns to navigate: What do you tell them about your family, your ex-partners, or what you’re looking for in a relationship? And, for many people, you may need to figure out how to talk to a new partner about an STI.

Remember, you’re not alone. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that nearly 20 million new STIs are contracted in the United States each year, and one in two sexually active people will develop an STI by the age of 25. So when I say so many people have been there, I really do.

Even though we are starting to dispel the stigma around STIs, there is still a huge lack of education and a lot of confusion that can lead to misinformation and feelings of shame —but most of the time, having an STI just isn’t that It’s okay. When you approach a new partner, you don’t have to feel awkward or uncomfortable. As long as you’re upfront about your situation, it shouldn’t change much.

So here’s how to talk to a new partner about an STI, because information is undeniably power.

Choose your moment

First, choose the right time for this conversation. For example, you might not want to let it go when you’re both naked and about to have sex. Now, if you feel completely comfortable with this person and you think this is the perfect time for you, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. You have to do these things your way. But in general, it’s probably best to bring it up when you have time to actually discuss it.

Don’t be ashamed

You may not have any issues with your STI and understand that it is just like any other infection. That’s great! But if you are nervous or embarrassed, remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of. As I mentioned, STIs are very, very common, more common than most people think. It can be helpful to remember that, so keep that in mind.

If you can, try to keep the conversation frank and factual. This is simply something you need to inform them about, rather than something you need to apologize for.

Be prepared to answer all questions

It’s completely normal for your partner to have questions, so don’t be surprised if they take a moment to think and ask you more. Some of these questions may be personal (how did you get it, how long have you known, maybe even why you didn’t mention it before), while others may be more practical, like: Where are you going now? If you find any of the questions too personal or inappropriate, you obviously don’t have to answer them, but expect some questions to come with you.

Do you have relevant information at hand?

It’s important not to just allow them to ask questions: having helpful answers can make all the difference. For example, knowing how contagious the STI is, how it can be treated, what it means for your sex life – all of this information can go a long way to combating any fears that may arise.

Remember that many people are seriously misinformed about STIs. They may not know the difference between chlamydia and gonorrhea, or even the difference between HIV and AIDS. They may not realize that many infections are completely treatable or even curable. They may also not realize how common herpes is (we all basically have it). Of course, you can always tell them to go and educate themselves on the subject, but if you feel comfortable giving them a little lesson, that might be helpful.

Make sure you take care of yourself!

Finally, remember that you did nothing wrong, you are not dirty, and you do not need to apologize. So if this person makes you feel this way, you do not have to listen to what they say. If you treat them with respect, you have every right to expect that in return and not settle for less.

There may be situations where they are justified in being upset. For example, if you encouraged unprotected sex and then revealed that you have an STI, that is obviously not acceptable – and they have every right to be angry. But if they react to the mere fact that you have an STI by getting angry or humiliating you, that is unacceptable. Honestly, it is better to know that they are this kind of asshole now, so you can move on, than to find out later.

In conclusion

STIs affect a huge percentage of the population, especially young people. Yet stigma can make people feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to talk about them. Remember to talk to your partner on your own terms: it’s up to them how they react, but a supportive partner should support you in all aspects of your life, including your health.

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