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Growing up in a Christian home and presenting sex to me is the Holy Grail, which will have magical, mysterious properties once you get married. It’s implied, and often explicitly, your sex life will be Amazing Once you follow God’s plan and make it legal.

I’m saying now: Hahahahaha many years. Religion, media, and your friends may allow you to meet unrealistic expectations for marriage. If you are like me in love.

Now that I have kids and are forever exhausted, I realize that sex is just another real-world thing. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s just that. That’s life. My husband and I do swear to be honest all the time in our relationship, so I can confidently say that we are both satisfied with our modest arrangements while raising two young children.

This is where self-pleasure fits – for things that I’m too tired to perform or don’t want to move onto my waist in bed. Actually, I want to assert that regular masturbation is part of a healthy married sex life, and masturbation can even make married sex better – experts agree. This is why masturbation should also be part of your married sex life.

1. It increases your self-awareness

Antonio Pizarro, MD, points out the empowering truth that every woman needs to hear: This is your body, you can play if you want. “Masturbation is a healthy expression of a woman’s control over her body,” Pizarro told Sheknows. “Masturbation can also be a way for a woman to understand her reproductive anatomy, body needs, and then share this understanding with her partner.”

Porn coach and sex educator Dawn Serra calls masturbation a “huge asset” of marriage. “Masturbation allows two people to be their own,” she said. “It invites autonomy.”

2. It improves your pelvic function

Yes, masturbation proves to be good for your health as well. As sex coach Jenna Switzer explains, the more neurotics we open up when our brain works in the way we intentionally do something with our body. “Essentially, the more muscle you use in a certain area, the easier it is for your brain to attract muscles when needed,” Switzer explained.

As you know, your pelvic area is not only a source of climax—it also contains muscles that support the control of our organs, digestive tract and bladder. As we get older, working these muscles through things like masturbation helps us better control them, which can help prevent “all kinds of frustrating problems including organ prolapse, urinary incontinence and other problems,” Switzer notes.

3. It gives you more sexual experience

It was a big deal for me because I was a virgin until I started a relationship with my current husband. Masturbation is practice, and practice can be perfect most of the time. “If someone doesn’t have a lot of sexual experiences before getting married, it’s hard to tell your partner that it’s useful to you. Masturbation can help you learn.”

Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, a sociologist and close consultant, added: “It is especially suitable for women who don’t know about their own fun and desires, masturbation, fantasy and toys, which is a great way for her to safely develop her own self-knowledge and expand her fun proposition.”

4. It provides you with time and time

If you are too tired to connect during sex, that is your privilege. This doesn’t mean you can’t relax on the pink canoe before you can fall asleep. Andrea Adams-Miller (aka Sex Tutor) explains: “When a person feels stressed or tired, it’s usually quick to knock someone down, which can make them feel better without spending time or effort. I think our sexual behavior is our responsibility, so take care of it if you want.”

“Relying on your partner only allows you to get sexual satisfaction. We are all responsible for our orgasm,” said Rebekah Beneteau, a coach of sex and intimacy.

5. It improves your sex life

As the saying goes, sex will be accompanied by sexual behavior. Meaning, even if it’s a single woman’s show, the more sex you get, the more sexy and arousing you will feel. Dr. Gail Saltz, author Chain reaction: How better sex leads to a better lifetells Sheknows: “Masturbation in married couples can help you concentrate the stimulation of your partner so that you can add pleasant sex with your partner. It may also add diversity to your own sexual behavior.”

And, if you think masturbation is just a solo, think about it again. April Masini of askapril.com explains why masturbation is both hot and beneficial as a foreplay: [masturbation]even once in the presence of another spouse, it can enhance the marriage life and bring the couple closer to each other. ” (Try these positions of masturbation to check it out for yourself.)

6. It helps us love ourselves

“Masturbation is an act of self-love, and it develops an appreciation for the bodies we have because it feels pleasant in this moment,” Switzer said. “In an era, it is not an easy feat, in which love and accepting our bodies as they are a constant challenge. “Beauty’ should be something we see in the mirror and we’ve been in a state of mental shame,” she explained.

But when you masturbate, you can completely enjoy the sensations your body can make. “Repeatedly sending signals to our subconscious mind that our bodies are worthy of pleasure, able to be happy and deserved to be enjoyed,” Switzer said. “This gives us a deeper physical love, which will enhance confidence and enable us to accept and deepen our appreciation of the body because it is now awful.”

7. It can help women practice self-care

What I am ashamed of religious upbringing tells me is that self-pleasant is actually a form of self-care. Amy Levine, Sex Coach and Founder of Ignite Your Fun, says orgasm is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. “Masturbation is a way to nourish the body in the way you want and need it, whether it’s to have a quick and fast fun or spend time discovering new areas of sexy and then sharing it with your partner,” Levin explained.

Ellen Barnard of Women’s Touch Sex Resource Center added: “Masturbation is self-care. Although some people can overuse it, for us, weekly orgasms are often beneficial between 1-3 orgasms, and if a partner is unavailable or interested, we lose that benefit, and if we don’t give ourselves this gift, we lose that benefit.”

8. It releases stress

If no one around can give you a backwards at the end of a long and tough day…I think you know where this is. Alex Fine, the inventor and co-founder and CEO of EVA vibrator, insists that masturbation is good for you. In short, it relieves stress, she said.

Elle Chase, chief sex educator at the Los Angeles College of Sex Education, added: “When you orgasm, you release endorphins such as dopamine and hormone oxytocin. Research shows that these endorphins are found in both men and women, including pain relief and stress reduction and anxiety reduction.”

9. It can help you sleep better

Beverly Hills relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, PhD, who elaborated on the benefits of masturbating to relieve stress, said: “Masturbation reduces stress and promotes better sleep. The reason is based on scientific reasons. The blood pressure that motivates you lowers blood pressure and increases endorphins, which helps to reduce stress and increase relaxation.” After hearing what she said, I now add butter to my daily routine every night before bed and brush my teeth.

10. Apply pressure

No matter what the horny man stereotype tells us, sometimes guys are not in the mood. Then what is Ms. Randy going to do? Of course, take things into your own hands. According to Dr. Dawn Michael, “Masturbation is great for couples, and sometimes in marriage may want intimacy, while the other one is not willing.”

Or as Suzy Olds, the founder of PhD and after nine tonight explained: “All couples are married at some point (or throughout the process) (or throughout the process) (one partner wants to have sex more than the other). Masturbation can be a great way to satisfy the needs of higher-wish partners without letting other partners feel ingrained.”

11. It forces you to try something new

Are you afraid to ask what bed you want? Just think of your solo sex time as a dress rehearsal for the main event. Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, author Want to want: What will kill your sex life and how to keep it aliveadvice, “Don’t be hesitant to try different sensings. There is no reason to have only one tool in your toolbox. Learn to give yourself pleasure with your undies still on — just with pressure and light stroking. You can also experiment with water flowing over you or vibration. The more ways that you find to bring your pleasure, the less you will be dependent on any one position, activity or stroke.”

The version of this article was originally released in May 2015.

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