11 inappropriate jack-o-lanterns that need carving

A bit too much

This photo looks like some drunk frat guy or a group of roommates decided after two cases of Miller Genuine Draft that giving a pumpkin a blowjob would be fun. Normally that would be true… but this photo feels lazy and has a hint of 10-year-old humor. Also, the triangle eyes? So boring.

2/10 (They got an extra point because they used pumpkin seeds and boy juice drops.

Movie inspiration

A vagina with teeth… well, why not? There’s a movie about it, after all. I’m not sure what the white stuff is made of, but the pubic hair is definitely top notch. You might wonder if this is just a case of misidentification of a vagina, imagined as a monster’s mouth, but the beanies near the top are impossible to ignore.

Additional elements +9, pubic hair +3, clitoris +6. 18/10.

Elegant breasts

My god, she is such a gorgeous mermaid. Here’s another example of layer sculpture. I don’t think it’s really that “inappropriate” either, but we all know at least one Karen who would go crazy over her breasts.

+10 for being pretty, +5 for decent anatomy and shading. 15/10.

Flasher

Hahahahahahahaha. This is so adorable…what a happy exhibitionist. First of all, his smile is so big you can’t help but smile back. Second, the paper “jacket” works well for some reason. Third…the flat penis. I don’t know if this rounded-off fellow counts as a slob in the pumping world.

+9 for creativity, -5 for triangle eyes, +4 for a cool penis. 9/10!

Not suitable for porches

Now let’s get down to business! I love the sculpting using different layers of color effects. Add to that a masturbating lady wearing some awesome CFM boots and it gets my sexy stamp of approval.

8 points for skills, -1 for her weird, twisted anatomy, and +0.5 for giving her a few wisps of hair. So… 7.5 points.

Interesting but not original

To me this is a cookie cutter template for “naughty pumpkins” everywhere. You’ll see them everywhere – and I can see why, it’s naughty enough without needing the police to catch you. Bonus points for placing the stem in the right butt hole position and some single bills for added effect (just don’t expect them to still be there when the night is over).

4/10 because “meh, bah, soook”.

Put this in

I looked around for a clearer photo, but this is the only decent one I got. I think it’s blurry because the person taking the photo was nervously running away. I’m a little concerned about the way this person is positioning their limbs. Either they’re really weird and flexible during sex, or the twitching flesh is a real pain in the ass.

+9 for doggy style, -7.6 for weird positions, +2 for reasons. 3. Something. Shut up. I failed math class.

Fender Girl

Those fenders used to be popular but are a bit old fashioned now? I appreciate the shape it was meant to be. Or is it a standard “beach girl pose” or something. I think they tried to carve a little nipple in there. I also think they ditched the feet.

4/10, no plus or minus points because I wasn’t too impressed with it and didn’t want to type any more words.

50 shades of orange

Holy shit, this is BDSM. 20/10. Don’t argue or you’ll get whipped.

Seriously though, the detail is amazing. Her ass is a little distorted and it gives me a sore back just watching her flex. Plus, lesbian kink wins! I love it. One of the more interesting, inappropriate jack-o-lanterns out there.

A little more effort

OK…now this is a penis lantern. Listen to me, frat brothers, did we review this before? Gotta love the veins on the penis and the little lines outlining the testicles. The cum dripping out feels great. I’m concerned about the shape of the glans – it’s an indentation that could send me to the hospital.

+14 for nice carving, +1 for cool, -2 for needing medical bills to check the tip. 13/10.

Yes, this happened

Last but not least…Humping Unicorns. I really don’t need to say much. 100/10.

That’s all for now, guys! But if you want more sexy Halloween content, check out the rest of the blog for more wacky stuff.