Why We Lash Out – Sex and Relationship Healing

It is clear that we make our own misery.

In our addiction and as recovering people, we sometimes hurt the people we love by trying to ‘help them’ when we’re really trying to punish them or upset them. Usually, we do this when we feel ashamed, anxious, or depressed. What we want is attention and understanding for how we’re feeling, but instead of asking for a loved one to meet this need, we lash out, hoping to make the other person feel as terrible as we do. This odd and somewhat perverse tendency is not the sole purview of addicts and recovering addicts, but we do tend to engage in this behavior more often than ‘normies.’ And when we do, it pushes people away from us rather than bringing them closer, which is what we actually want from them. The more we are aware of this tendency, the more actions we can take to stop ourselves from doing it. Usually, the best possible action we can take is to tell our friends and family members what we’re thinking and feeling so they can respond with the love and empathy we want and need.

Task for Today
Tell the truth about what you are thinking and feeling. Notice how people respond when you do this.