Why Can’t I Have An Orgasm? 8 Reasons Why You’re Having Trouble Getting Over It

For many women, reaching orgasm is anything but easy. In fact, some women can’t seem to orgasm at all, no matter how hard they try. And still others never achieve orgasm, not even once. anorgasmia (the medical term for the consistent difficulty reaching orgasm after significant sexual stimulation) can be quite distressing, know this: you are far, far, far… far from alone. That’s the good news and the bad news, of course. Because anyone who wants to reach orgasm should be able to. In fact, there are so many reasons why women have trouble reaching orgasm that it’s enough to make a woman lose sleep over it.

The Orgasm Gap

Let’s start with a quick look at the numbers, shall we? Warning: Finding reliable data on women and Orgasmic dysfunction is not easy, because The ways in which dysfunction is defined, the way the questions are phrased, and the people sampled are inconsistent at best. That said, according to Glamour, 16% to 25% 100% of women in the Western world report having difficulty reaching orgasm, while in other countries where cultural attitudes towards sex are even more negative, the rates are much higher. For example, 74% of women in Ghana report having difficulty reaching orgasm.

If we look at the United States alone, Cosmopolitan’s Female Orgasm Survey The study results showed that only 57% of (straight) women typically orgasm when having sex with a partner, while their male counterparts orgasm 95% of the time. There’s more: 50% of women said their partner was very close but only just brought them to orgasm; 38% felt they didn’t get enough clitoral stimulation; and 35% said they didn’t get enough stimulation. the right kind of stimulation. And then there are estimates like the one from the Cleveland Clinic, which claims that only 10% of women can easily reach orgasm. But again, the definitions and questions vary so much that the only message worth taking away here is that the orgasm gap is very real.

No matter what the numbers say, if you’re having trouble reaching orgasm, there are reasons for that! And they’re not always the ones you’d expect (some are emotional, others physical). But guess what: understanding what those reasons are and addressing them is the key to achieving a more satisfying sex life!

Here are 8 common reasons why you might be struggling to reach the big O:

1. You are anxious

Anxiety can make orgasm nearly impossible. Oxytocin, also known as the “feel-good hormone,” plays a major role in orgasm, but stress can cause your body to underproduce it. This survey The study found that more than half of women attribute their difficulty reaching orgasm to anxiety. The antidote to being too present in your head is, of course, to try to be more present in your body by focusing on physical sensations like skin on skin, breath on neck, etc. Whether it’s work-related stress (i.e., an inability to relinquish control), relationship stress (bad vibes don’t make for good sex), or stress related to the narratives of sexual shame that are so pervasive (and so gendered) in our society, once you know the source, you can start trying to reduce your anxiety. If you need help, consider consulting a sex therapist.

2. You lack self-confidence

If you feel bad about yourself (or, more precisely, about your appearance, although both are (connected), you may have a harder time feeling pleasure. I’ve been there: you may worry that your partner will feel something about your bulges or cellulite. All of this is very helpful in getting you out of the heat of the moment. First, if your partner do Body shame in any way, dump their ass (they probably suck in bed anyway, that’s just one woman’s opinion). The most likely scenario, though, is that the insecurity comes from within. Overcoming all that deep-rooted shit takes time and effort. Inspiration to counteract overthinking: incorporate a meditation practice or breathing exercises into your day, start journaling, or focus on healthy eating and exercise (not as a weight loss diet, but as a wellness diet!).

3. You are in pain

To state the obvious, if you experience pain or discomfort during sex, it will be extremely difficult to achieve orgasm, whether solo or with a partner. Vulvodynia And vaginismus are disorders that cause pain and often go undiagnosed for a long time because, despite their frequency, doctors still do not understand them well. I will tell you right away that this is largely due to the system discrediting women’s pain, as well as gender gaps in researchIf you suspect you have chronic pain, see a doctor, or better yet (in my opinion), see a qualified pelvic floor therapist, without delay.

4. You have experienced sexual trauma

Traumatic experiences related to your sexuality can block your ability to relax and experience pleasure, and to feel both comfortable and entitled to orgasm. Trauma can refer to a wide range of experiences, from religious parents who punished you for touching yourself to sexual harassment, abuse, and sexual assault in its many forms. It doesn’t matter how recent or distant the trauma is; our minds tend to hang on (without much regard for our bodies) until we dig deep and deal with our issues. If this sounds like you, do your homework and find a good therapist who you feel comfortable opening up to.

5. You don’t enjoy yourself

Truth: How often masturbate can directly affect your chances of reaching orgasm with a partner. The ability to let your fantasies run wild, whether alone or with a partner, is the key to orgasm for many. The fact is, it’s usually easier to truly free your mind when you’re alone (at least at first). Plus, it can teach you invaluable lessons about how and where you like to be touched. For example, many (if not most) women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but you may need to dedicate some real time to your solo sessions before you internalize this information. sex toy If you don’t like masturbating or don’t even want to try, you may be suffering from a shame-related sexual block that deserves to be explored further. Think of self-exploration as your sexual foundation and go from there.

6. You’re not comfortable communicating what you want (or need)

I can’t overstate the importance of communication with your sexual partner(s), both in and out of bed. First of all, believe it or not, making noise or saying dirty things (i.e. “yes, there!”) as a way to communicate your desires during sex can make a difference. Try it and tell me you’re not contributing to your own arousal. Additionally, it’s important to have honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs, hang-ups, etc. This will make you more vulnerable, bring you closer, and lead to better sex. That said, if you have a selfish lover who won’t listen to you, skips foreplay, or is completely disregarding your pleasure, that’s where your problem lies. Bonus tip: If you have to pee, don’t hold it back for fear of ruining the moment: go for it! Real sex is hot sex, and hot sex requires you to be there. not Be afraid to express your needs and wants as they arise.

7. Your medication is blocking your dick

Breaking news: Some medications cause an increase in prolactin, a protein that lowers your libido. Your doctor may have told you this, but not necessarily. The culprits include blood pressure medications, birth control pillsand antidepressants. Antihistamines can even cause problems because they can actually decrease your ability to self-lubricate, making sex less comfortable. Always have lube on hand if this is the case, and talk to your doctor about switching medications (or considering natural alternatives) if this is a recurring problem.

8. You are too focused on the destination

As frustrating as it may be, trying too hard to reach orgasm can definitely get in the way of it. Too much emphasis on ejaculation turns sex into a goal-oriented task that ultimately amounts to more work than pleasure, more effort than intimacy. Try to focus lessenjoy every sensation and be more present to the sensual experience that is unfolding, otherwise you may not be able to relax enough into the pleasure to truly feel Try developing sensual practices to reduce your sense of urgency, such as exploration tantric sex with your partner or tantric masturbation all alone.

Bottom line: The road to orgasm is paved with pleasure. To open yourself up to that pleasure, you must learn to breathe, be present, and open yourself to the moment. As far as I’m concerned, when you have the will, you will most likely find a way to overcome the biggest obstacle (O) of all. You can do it. Just remember to enjoy the journey! <3