What’s Wrong with the ‘Taxi’ Dating Theory – Here’s Why

The “taxi” dating theory might give you a ride.

All women have either witnessed this or experienced it themselves: a commitment-phobic man dates one woman for years on end without proposing, only to quickly get engaged to the next woman he starts dating.

The phenomenon is so common that it earned its own label in the third season of Sex and the City.

As Miranda (played by Cynthia Nixon) explained in the 2000 episode, the “taxi theory” theorizes that “men are like taxis.”

“When they’re free, their lights turn on. One day they wake up and they decide they’re ready to settle down, have kids, whatever, and then they turn the lights on,” she explained. “The next woman they marry, boom, that’s who they’re going to marry. It’s not fate, it’s luck.”

According to this theory, no matter how well-matched you and your partner are, men won’t commit until they decide they’re “ready.”

However, things may not be that simple.

Relationship experts tell SELF that while it may often seem Just like the taxi theory, there are usually many other factors involved.

“Relying on neat, simplified explanations like the taxi theory to make sense of something so unexpected and complex is a common coping mechanism,” says Molly Burrets, Ph.D., a psychologist and adjunct professor in the Department of Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Southern California.

It may sound uncomfortable, but a man may quickly fall into a new love simply because they are a better match.

“It could just be that their new partner is more compatible,” Nari Jeter, a licensed couples therapist in Florida and co-host of “The Couples Podcast,” tells SELF.

A breakup can be something where a person finally needs to do some self-reflection and realize that they need to commit properly.

Perhaps time alone will give partners space to work through commitment issues in themselves and therapy, or to improve communication skills.

Additionally, a new relationship can symbolize a fresh start, giving men the opportunity to act on what they’ve learned about themselves and embrace their own growth.

“While past relationships can be remembered fondly, new relationships bring new opportunities and reduce unresolved, lingering issues,” Jeter added.

Additionally, it’s easy to think of universal rules or theories as a way to cope with heartbreak and make sense of things that may be unexpected and unexpected.