What is Love Bombing? A Manipulative Relationship Strategy

Reality TV relationships often involve fairytale dates, quick declarations of love and fantasized futures, providing viewers and social media fans with a near-endless source of cringe and obsession.

Recently, during the Love Island US Reunion, Kaylor Martin accused Aaron Evans of “love bombing” her and lamented that she had wasted the summer on their relationship.

Although most onlookers assume that reality TV romances are fleeting, these rushed relationships contain powerful lessons, which may include unhealthy behaviors.

A relationship expert says love bombing is a form of manipulation that usually occurs in the early stages of a relationship.

“Manipulators use tactics like oversharing their desire to be with you, showering you with affection, and making you a priority — all before they really get to know you,” says Leanna Stockard, a licensed marriage and family therapist at LifeStance Health in Boston.

Such behavior is intended to create a false sense of love and affection for the new partner, which in turn causes the new partner to let down their guard and begin to trust the manipulator—all with the goal of eroding that trust later in the relationship, Stockard said.

She added: “Love bombing tactics lead the manipulated partner to believe they have done something wrong to have the love and affection taken away from them, and make them feel they need to do whatever it takes to get it back.”

Here are five key insights to know.

1. What are the red flags of love bombing?

In the early stages of a relationship, endless compliments, endless affection, and the desire to be together morning, noon, and night are all red flags of a potential culprit.

“The love bomber makes the new partner feel incredibly special by showering them with gifts, doing special things ‘just for you’ and providing lots of words of affirmation,” Stockard said.

“The person may also say ‘they’ve never felt this way before,’ ” she points out. “Love bombing goes beyond what people expect when they first start to get to know another person.”

If you feel like your partner is “doing too much too soon,” be sure to pay attention to that feeling, as it could mean love bombing.

2. What if someone feels special and isn’t “love bombed”?

Stockard says love bombing can definitely be very flattering at first.

She also said that in love bombing, a person is deceived into believing that the other person has such strong feelings for them because of this special treatment.

However, Stockard says that once the love bomber believes they have “got you” and that you are committed to them, the initial display of affection and priority will fade away.

She added: “It makes the person who is love-bombed think if they have done something wrong.”

“In reality, the love bomber will continue this manipulative strategy, engaging in fleeting signs of approval as a way to gain more attention and control from the love-bombed partner.”

3. Is premature, intense talk about the future a sign of love bombing?

The relationship expert says having in-depth discussions about the future early on can definitely be part of love bombing.

“Discussions about the future help build the false sense of security that the love bomber wants to create,” Stockard says. “This person wants you to believe that you can have a future together.”

4. How should people respond to love bombing?

The best way to deal with love bombing is to recognize that it is happening.

If after just a short period of dating you’re already feeling uncomfortable with the attention you’re receiving, or your friends are telling you that the person you’re dating is moving “too fast,” you may be in the early stages of love bombing, Stockard says.

If you notice this happening, set boundaries and try to identify what is happening.

“Also, if you notice a dramatic change in the amount of affection and attention your partner gives you over the course of your relationship, you can start to realize that you’re being love bombed, and you can use this to your advantage by bringing this up with your partner,” Stockard says.

So while love bombing may feel good at first, “it doesn’t last, and that’s definitely one thing to be aware of,” she said.

5. How is love bombing different from a romantic relationship?

Love bombing is very different from behavior in a romantic relationship.

Stockard points out that people who are in love don’t try to control their partners or take away their attention and affection to get what they want.

“In a loving relationship, there will be healthy communication skills, and your partner will encourage you to grow with them rather than just give in to their demands,” Stockard says.

“In a loving relationship, both partners feel safe, they love each other, and they are comfortable with having a life outside of their relationship,” she said.