Vanilla Sex 101: A Quick and Easy Guide to Spice Up Your Life

Is vanilla sex your go-to style in bed and now you’re looking to spice things up? Maybe you’re in a long-term relationship and want to ignite the spark between you and your flame? In this guide, we cover what vanilla sex is, why we love it, and how to get the most out of it.

Classic sex refers to any simple, conventional sexual intercourse that isn’t kinky. This term, made popular by the kink community, was simply meant to distinguish between BDSM and non-kinky sex. This can vary greatly depending on what you define as “kink,” and unfortunately, some people use it to mean “boring.” But we’re here to set the record straight: There is absolutely nothing wrong with having vanilla sex and loving it.

If you enjoy the sex you’re having, you don’t need anything else. Vanilla is a spice in and of itself, after all. A very tasty and popular spice at that! As long as you and your partner are having a great time, that’s all you need. Getting exactly what you want and enjoying it is no problem. Plus, just because it’s vanilla doesn’t mean it can’t be super hot. The hottest sex often comes from the trust and intimacy we build with a partner over time.

That said, it can be a lot of fun to add a few extra flavors to complement that sweet, familiar base! Here are seven tips to make your vanilla sex life even more delicious.

1. Share your sex to-do list

Create a sexy list of sexual fantasies—big or small!—and then share them with each other. Maybe you’ve thought about exploring blindfolds or anal play. Maybe you’re curious about what it would be like to have a threesome or visit a BDSM club. From there, you can compare what you’d definitely want to try together, what you’d rather keep as a fantasy, and what you might be willing to explore under the right circumstances.

Not only is making a list fun, but just talking about your desires together can be enough to really turn up the heat. Being vulnerable and open in your communication can be intimidating but also very rewarding, both in and out of the bedroom, so keep writing!

2. Change the routine

At this point in your relationship, you may have found a routine that works best for you. And that’s great! But if you’re looking to spice things up, simply changing the time, location, or position of your sex session can really change how you approach it and what you get out of it.

If you’re a regular sleeper, try setting your alarm a little earlier than usual to give yourself a little morning session. Unwind at the end of the day with a shared sensual shower. Go through a list of positions and choose one you’ve never tried before.

Whatever you choose, you’re likely to find yourself laughing and going back to what you know best. But allowing room for play and experimentation will certainly spark your imagination and open you up to more possibilities.

3. Use foul language

Incorporate obscene language Incorporating your sexy time doesn’t have to be complicated and can take many forms. Simply taking turns describing what you’d like to do or be done to you as foreplay during dinner is a great place to start.

If that seems too intimidating, you can always start with a text. A quick, “I was just thinking about that time you did X…” or “I’d really like to do X to you later…” can go a long way. It helps take the edge off the nervousness that comes with looking someone in the eye. And it leads to incredibly steamy mid-day foreplay that gives you something to look forward to at the end of the workday.

4. Take a chance and roll the dice

Sometimes it can be intimidating to start getting creative. The fear of looking ridiculous can stifle your imagination and cause you to lose track. If this happens, don’t worry! We have the cheat codes for that.

There are tools specifically designed to help you overcome this shyness and have fun doing it. card game with sexy messages or one naughty dice set can be the perfect icebreaker and a source of inspiration to make you want to try something new.

5. Enjoy porn together

By nature, porn is designed to excite its audience. Watching or reading porn with your partner can do much more than that. It gives you the opportunity to learn more about your own preferences as well as those of your partner.

Use your favorite porn video or erotic story as inspiration for what you’ll do together at that moment, or as a creative way to introduce them to one of your fantasies.

6. Use a vibrator

Sex toys are a great way to increase pleasure potential. And especially for those with clitorises, adding a vibrator to the mix greatly increases their chances of orgasm.

If you are new to toys, start with a versatile and beginner-friendly vibrator. And if you already have a favorite toy that you enjoy during your solo sessions, take the plunge and introduce this sex toy to your partner.

If you’re worried about intimidating your partner or if he or she is skeptical about using a vibrator, remember: sex toys are pleasure enhancers, not partner substitutes. And a good partner should want you to have as many orgasms as possible.

7. Try role-playing with a stranger

One of the most popular fantasies is meeting a sexy stranger. So why not try being each other’s new mysterious lover?

Pick a location and pretend you’re meeting for the first time. Prepare your scene and your character – maybe you’ll be an alternate version of yourself, or maybe you’ll try on a completely different role – and see where the game takes you. Enjoy the thrill of being seduced by someone new with all the satisfaction that comes from being with someone who already knows your body so well.