Traditional vs. Conditioned Porn Addiction

Dr. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT

The vast majority of porn addicts have a lengthy history of early-life trauma—physical neglect, emotional neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, cover incest, etc. This puts porn addicts in line with alcoholics, drug addicts, compulsive gamblers, and the like. In fact, as discussed earlier, there is a large body of research showing that unresolved early-life trauma is a primary risk factor for later-life addiction (of all types), along with various other adult-life issues.

Recently, however, we have encountered a new and growing subcategory of individuals struggling with pornography. These are individuals who meet the basic criteria for porn addiction—obsession, loss of control, and consequences—but lack the underlying early-life trauma that typically drives such an addiction. Rather than qualifying as traditional trauma-driven porn addicts, it appears these individuals have developed a conditioned addiction to pornography.

Traditional porn addicts are driven by complex (multi-layered) early-life trauma. These individuals learn, usually during childhood and adolescence, that an effective way to escape the pain of their abusive, traumatic, or neglectful upbringing is to numb out and escape through a pleasure-inducing substance or behavior. Sometimes these individuals discover alcohol and drugs; other times they discover masturbation, pornography, video gaming, gambling, and the like. Whatever the substance or behavior, they use it less for having a good time and more to escape emotional discomfort.

Traditional, trauma-driven porn addicts seek to control their emotions by “escaping” into pornography. Porn triggers a neurochemical pleasure response that helps them temporarily avoid whatever in-the-moment unpleasant feelings they’re having. Over time, this numbing effect becomes their go-to coping mechanism, no matter what is happening. Basically, they have a feeling, and they automatically and without conscious thought turn to pornography to escape that feeling.

Nearly always, this addictive call and response is developed early in life, with young people seeking to escape the pain of neglect, abuse, inconsistent parenting, and the like through escapist sexual fantasies that are aided and abetted by porn. In other words, traditional, trauma-driven porn addicts repeatedly and compulsively choose to self-medicate and self-soothe their emotional discomfort with pornography.

Conditioned porn addicts are slightly different. This emerging subcategory of porn addicts differs from what we’ve traditionally seen in two significant ways:

1. Conditioned porn addicts lack the significant early-life trauma that typically drives addictive behaviors.
2. The sex lives of conditioned porn addicts almost exclusively revolve around pornography (and porn-like online activity such as sexting, camgirls/boys, and mutual masturbation via webcam).

Like traditional porn addicts, conditioned porn addicts are preoccupied with porn to the point of obsession, they’ve lost control over their use of porn, and they’re experiencing negative consequences related to their porn use. They absolutely qualify as porn addicts. They do not, however, present in treatment with a trauma-driven need to escape from and numb their emotions, as we see with traditional addicts.

Typically, conditioned porn users start viewing porn at a young age, often before puberty hits, and then fail to move beyond this easily accessed sexual outlet. For these individuals, porn serves as both sex education and sexual fulfillment. In such cases, the user’s emotional and psychological development in terms of sexuality and relationships is stunted—beginning and ending with what they learn from porn. As such, their ability to form and maintain meaningful real-world romantic and sexual attachments does not develop or does not fully develop in the usual ways.

Often, conditioned porn users only recognize they have a problem when they decide they want to have a real-world relationship and realize they have no idea how to go about that. Other times, they recognize that porn is problematic for them only when they attempt to be sexual in the real world and find that they can’t perform. Basically, these often very young porn users become conditioned to the intensity of porn to the point where real-world interactions can’t and don’t match up. Hence, they find themselves struggling with various forms of sexual dysfunction.

Many (perhaps most) of the clinicians who treat porn-related issues are unaware of the difference between traditional porn addiction and conditioned porn addiction. This is partly because the two categories, on the surface, look the same, and partly because clinicians have not yet been taught to look for the subtle differences. Thus, they treat all struggling porn users with the same approach and methodology. In the early stages of recovery, this is not an issue, as the same initial interventions are effective with both cohorts. Longer-term, however, because the underlying etiology is different, treatment should also differentiate, a topic that will be discussed later in this book.

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If you or a loved one are struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click HERE for information on our Sex Addiction Workgroup. Click HERE for information on our Porn Addiction workgroup.