Threesomes 101: A Guide on How to Ask Your Partner Out

Threesomes are often a love-it-or-hate-it experience, but there’s no denying that they can seriously spice up your sex life—and you never know until you try them. Given that many of us fall on the gay spectrum, a threesome is an appealing way to add some fun—plus, it’s an incredibly common sexual fantasy. But if you’re in a long-term relationship—or even a short-term one—asking your partner to have a threesome isn’t always easy.

Sure, some couples are naturally more adventurous, and can experiment with new things all the time. But even if you’re not a naturally experimental couple, it’s never too late to open up your sex life and try something new. It just might be a more awkward conversation to have if you’ve never tried something like this before. But if it’s something you want to try, you have to trust your partner enough to ask. You can’t force them to do something they’re not ready to do—and you shouldn’t want to—but there’s no harm in opening up the conversation.

Here’s what to keep in mind.

1. Start by feeling them

Your partner’s personality and attitude toward sex will largely determine how you talk to them. You should have a general idea of ​​both by now, but it doesn’t hurt to feel around a little more. Bringing up the topic of threesomes, open relationships, and experimentation in general can help you gauge their reaction. If they seem interested, you know you can approach the conversation boldly. If they’re totally embarrassed, you may need to make a gentler suggestion.

2. Choose your timing

You don’t need to talk to them in a completely non-sexual context, but if you do it before or after sex—and you know they tend to be sensitive—it might feel like you’re saying their performance is poor and that you need more. But if you do it after sex, when you’re already talking about your fantasies, or even if you’re watch porn togetheryou will have an open door to pass through.

You can also bring up the topic in a completely non-sexual setting, although it’s best to do it in private. If you do it when your partner is comfortable and relaxed, they’re less likely to be caught off guard.

3. Be reassuring

Your partner may be tempted by this idea (which is a good thing), but if you sense that he’s starting to panic, make sure to reassure him. Explain that this is something you can do to enhance your sex life, rather than replace it. And a few positive compliments about his current sexual performance and how much you love it won’t hurt.

4. Prepare for questions about sexuality

If you are in a heterosexual relationship and have not discussed the fact that one of you is bi-curious Before, there may be questions about sexuality. It’s good, if you are bisexual or just out of curiosity (or you think your partner might be), it’s a good thing to be open about. As a bisexual, I’m all for some same-sex attraction, but I also know that some straight guys totally freak out about it. They think it’s sexy in theory, but in reality, they feel threatened. Be prepared for some questions, but don’t be afraid to call them out on any homophobia or toxic masculinity that underlies these questions.

5. Don’t be pushy

In the first conversation, you may just want to plant the seed. But even if you do get into a deeper discussion about how this would work or what you could try, try not to be too pushy. If you sense they’re hesitant or seem uncomfortable, back off and just give them time to think. Tell them you just wanted to talk about it and can come back later, and then revisit the topic in a few days. You don’t have to start from scratch to choose. safe words all in the same conversation.

6. Be honest

If you want to try a threesome just for the novelty of it, that’s fine and you should definitely tell them that. But if you’re genuinely feeling unhappy in your relationship, that’s okay and you should tell them that too. If you’re trying to use the threesome as a band-aid for bigger relationship issues, it’s not going to work. So have an honest conversation about your situation and your needs.

Conclusion

Threesomes can be a lot of fun and are a great way to experiment together. For many, it helps them break away from monogamy while still acting as a couple. But if your partner isn’t naturally experimental, you may need to be careful how you approach the topic and talk about it. Give it time, be relaxed, and try to understand how they feel. It’s always an option, so don’t feel like you have to rush into it. Threesomes are great, but they’re not going away anytime soon.