the consequences of showing up

As addicts, we don’t deny it. We just selectively accept the reality we accept.

When we have sex, we try to distance ourselves emotionally from what we just did. We justify our behavior, telling ourselves, “If my spouse was better to me, I wouldn’t need to do this.” We minimize our behavior, telling ourselves, “No one will know that I just spent six hours watching porn and masturbating, no one was hurt by what I did, so it’s not a big deal.” We rationalize our behavior, telling ourselves, “Hooking up with people online and masturbating to each other isn’t really cheating, because I’m actually cheating.” I haven’t touched anyone on the internet and I don’t even use my real name.” This denial is the selective reality where addiction is rampant. To overcome this problem, we must examine and expose the lies we tell ourselves (and others) to explain our sexual behavior.

today’s task
List five things you tell yourself after taking action. Then ask, “Are these things true? Or are they lies I’ve made up to justify my addiction?”

This article The Consequences of Acting Out first appeared on Sex and Relationship Therapy.