“Stealthing” is sexual assault and should be treated as such

There’s a lot of weird language around sex and dating these days: ghosting, benching, breadcrumbing, catfishing, orbiting, phubbing, the list goes on. But there’s one trending term we should all definitely know: “stealthy“a common form of sexual assault In the context of sex between men, the condom is removed without the consent of their partner. A violation on several levels that is really disturbing, yeah, I know. It’s really disgusting.

Although little research exists on the subject, some preliminary American data shows that 14% of sexually active female students have been victims of stealthing at least once, and A 2019 survey of Canadian undergraduate students found that 18.7% have already been victims of stealthing Although the phenomenon seems to affect mainly heterosexual women, homosexual men are also survivors of stealthing.

Why this is not acceptable, no matter how you imagine it

When they discover that their partner has removed the condom without their consent, many stealthing survivors report a feeling angry, scorned, scared, violated, disgusted, shocked, upset, betrayed and used. Additionally, they tend to become naturally anxious about the dangers of STIs and unwanted relationships. pregnancyStealthing typically has a similar emotional, mental and physical impact to more “official” sex crimes.

In fact, having your identity stolen is traumatic. It takes away your decision-making power. In addition to the physical and reproductive health risks, there are also depression, anxiety, lack of trust in future partners, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Yet, because the phenomenon of stealth is far from understood at a societal level, survivors end up minimizing their experiences. The fact is that learning more about the phenomenon of stealth and its context can actually help survivors better understand Why is that they feel like shit afterwards – and how to better deal with that.

The Truth: Stealthing is Sexual Assault

Let’s start with a pop culture reference, because pop culture has a real way of seeping into our collective imagination: stealthing was explored on screen in 2020 in the BBC One drama. I can destroy youIn the fourth episode, the heroine Arabella has sex with a man who removes the condom without her knowledge. Like many women, she does not consider this to be rape until she later hears a podcast about stealthing.

Although stealthing has been around forever, the term first became popular in 2017, when Alexandra Brodsky published an article about the practice in a report in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law. It’s worth noting, however, that the term has been used in the gay community since 2014. Brodsky argues that stealthing is sexual assault and should be treated as such, arguing that since existing laws don’t even recognize it as such, a new law is needed to address this shockingly common violation of sexual and reproductive choices.

In fact, as we speak, advocates in several states are urging legislatures to declare the act a form of criminal sexual assault. While there aren’t many positive precedents, here’s one: In 2017, a Swiss court sentences man for rape after removing her condom without informing her partner. The court found that she would not have consented to sex without the condom. And in 2018, an Australian man was charged with rape for allegedly removed a condom without consentalthough the trial has not yet taken place due to pandemic-related delays.

The trend”

All of which begs the question: why would a man choose to “hide”? I mean, even the most vile and callous character has to understand that he’s putting himself in danger at the same time, right?

Let’s start with the basics: Men who are secretive view their partners as possessions, rather than human beings who have the right to make their own decisions about sex. There are actually online communities dedicated to teaching men how to be secretive (no kidding) and even praising those who do it.

According to a recent study According to gynecologist and academic Sumayya Ebrahim, the reasons given in these online forums to justify stealthing include: “sex is better without a condom,” “the thrill of degradation” and “the right to spill one’s seed.”

“[These statements] “These behaviors reflect stealthers’ dismissive attitude toward their partners’ rights and wishes,” she writes. “It also reflects their prioritizing their own sexual satisfaction over their own health and that of their partner and their wishes.”

Self-proclaimed thief called into ABC radio show Hack Triple J In 2017, he gave this explanation: “There is a risk in crossing the road and we all do it.”

According to Dr. Brianna Chesser, a licensed psychologist and lecturer in criminology and justice, we can summarize the phenomenon of stealth as: an exercise in domination and powerAnd she believes it can happen to anyone.

How to react if this happens to you

We all have enough on our minds when it comes to sex and dating, I know. And yet, it’s important to take precautions against stealth and have a plan in place if it happens to you.

First, an open and honest discussion about expectations for continued condom use during sex is not excessive, and any decent sexual partner will understand that. You can also opt for ribbed condoms (if they feel good), so they are easier to feel. Periodically checking that the condom is still there with your hands/eyes is also not excessive. Some experts suggest carrying your own condoms, insisting that your partner use them, as well as requesting said partner not enjoy in you.

As for reporting stealthing, the success of criminal and civil prosecutions is still uncertain, but if you are a victim of stealthing, you should consider reporting it to the police or a rape crisis center, as well as seeking prompt medical attention so that physical samples can be taken, your case can be documented, and unwanted pregnancies and STIs can be stopped as soon as possible.

While there is are brave stealthy survivors out there enforce their rights to the fullest extent permitted by lawThe reality is not surprising: most police officers do not have a proper understanding of what stealthing is or anything that deviates from the sexual assault playbook. Hell, even in “clear-cut” cases where a woman is assaulted by a man in a dark alley, victim guilt abounds, and the onus of producing evidence usually falls on the victim—if she can stand to be re-traumatized by law enforcement and the courts. Once a rape case goes to court (which is very rare), the victim is deemed guilty. the conviction rate is relatively high, bBut to get to that point, there needs to be evidence beyond the survivor’s narrative. In stealthing cases where sex began consensually, that’s nearly impossible. All of which is to say that the decision to report an incident to the police isn’t one that everyone can make (let alone women of color who have been racialized and profiled by police), and the last thing you should do is judge yourself for choosing not to.

My advice is to do what you need to do to support yourself, whether that means growing privately, sharing your experience with friends and family, publishing an exposé, or grabbing a megaphone and taking to the streets. Most importantly, take it at your own pace. If you need outside support and don’t know who to turn to, visit National Resource Center on Sexual Violence Or RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline to start. <3