Sexual Dreams: What Are They and Can You Learn to Control Them?

Dreams can be restful, comforting, confusing, terrifying, sexually arousing—or all of the above, right? Most dreams occur during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, but they can actually happen any time we sleep. Whether we remember it or not, we spend an average of two hours a night dreaming.

It is worth noting, however, that not everyone has sexual dreams. Are you one of the lucky ones? Or do you prefer that your mind does not dwell on them?

What are sexual dreams and why do we have them?

When you dream about sex, it’s normal for blood flow to your pelvic area to increase and you’ll feel physically aroused while you’re asleep. In other cases, the arousal can wake you up immediately. Regardless, there are benefits to having sex dreams: you know, like having them without putting your back in them, which helps you relax and reduce stress. And, oh boy, I mean, some women even have orgasms in their sleep (I’m specifying sex here because “wet dreams” are much more common among people with penises). According to sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly, sex dreams can also help you better understand your desires and inspire scenarios to act out with your partner in waking life.

There are many theories about the purpose of dreams. Some theorists believe that dreams provide us with a space in which we can act out certain scenarios or help our brains map and store memories. Other findings suggest that dreams may be our brains’ way of coping with trauma or stress. More than 70% of people report having had a sexual dream at least once in their lives.

Dream meanings are difficult to pin down because dreams are inherently subjective to the person having them, and they are not always easy to remember. Nevertheless, there are some key themes that appear quite regularly in sexual dreams, and some basic theories about what they mean. could mean.

Sex with an ex: if you are in a relationship and you had a sex dream (or two) about your ex (during not (if you’re still pining for them), know that this is very common. Dreaming about an ex can be part of the process of processing a new relationship and/or grieving an old one. Interestingly, single people looking for a partner are less likely to dream about their ex.

Deceptive sex: While dreams about cheating on your partner may not be a direct indication of how you feel about your relationship, they may be related to feelings of jealousy or a lack of intimacy. If this is the case, open and honest communication is the only solution.

Sex with an authority figure: Whether it’s a dream in which you are being abused by your teacher, having sex with your boss, or being unnecessarily detained by a police officer, sexual dreams about authority figures can indicate that you want to gain the approval of someone in power or in charge.

Sex with a stranger: If you or your partner dreams about sexy or sensual moments with a stranger, it could simply mean that you have a healthy libido and a strong relationship with your arousal – it doesn’t (necessarily) mean that the dreamer wants to date someone else!

Can you make sex dreams happen?

If you have sexual dreams and would like to have them more often, or if you have never had them but would like to have them, you may have wondered if you can will While it’s not always possible to induce a sex dream when you’re in the mood, the following tips can help you induce them more often, or at least increase their likelihood.

Visualize. Chances are you have a pretty good idea of ​​what kind of sexual dreams you’d like to have. So, think about them and imagine them playing out. Think of someone who turns you on, whether it’s someone you’re dating or not, and imagine what you’d like to experience with them. Before you go to bed, take a moment to imagine them again. This could include casual flirting, kissing, a massage, or sex. If you’re having trouble imagining sexual scenarios, read erotic books.

Prepare the terrain. If you want to have sexual dreams, creating an atmosphere can help. You can wear lingerie to bed or sleep naked, whichever makes you feel sexier. Or, you can place clean, soft sheets on your bed. It never hurts to put on some soft, seductive music or light some incense. Awaken your senses, seduce yourself, and fall asleep that way.

Have an orgasm at bedtime. What better way to keep sex on your mind than to have an orgasm right before you pass out? So, masturbate or have sex with your partner! You can even try orgasmic meditation, which involves letting your partner stroke your clitoris for 15 minutes. without The purpose of orgasm is to increase your arousal before sleep. This can set you up for a very charged erotic dream (or lead to a great sexual experience, or both!).

Keep an erotic journal. Keeping a journal focused on your sexual fantasies, dreams, and experiences can do wonders for your sex life and sexual psyche. Writing things down not only helps you remember your dreams more easily, but it can also help you become more aware of your desires and better understand your sexuality and what turns you on. You can use your journal to help you induce sexual dreams, or to improve your sex life, whether you’re in a relationship or solo. Or both.

Can You Control Your Sex Dreams?

If you’ve had sexual dreams, you may have wondered if it’s possible to exert more influence or control over What arrives, or howSome people are able to have lucid erotic dreams. To put it simply, lucid dreaming occurs when you are aware You are dreaming. Lucid dream explorers explain how you can learn to consciously manipulate your dreams. In some lucid dreams, you can control people, the environment, what you do or say, and/or what happens to you. Some people who have lucid sexual dreams say they can feel just as arousing as waking sex. Of course, it is also possible to enjoy some things in your dream that you would not want to try while awake (let your imagination run wild for a second).

According to Robert Waggoner, author and president of the International Association for the Study of Dreams, if you’ve never experienced lucid dreaming, it’s best to start with your hands. Before you fall asleep, look at your hands and say to yourself, “When I sleep, I’ll see my hands and I’ll realize I’m dreaming.” Repeat this as many times as you can before you fall asleep. Once you get the hang of it, you can explore more advanced dream manipulation techniques.

Bottom line: In most cases, sex dreams are completely normal and healthy and nothing to worry about. At best, they can help you become more aware of your deeper feelings. At worst, if the dreams are upsetting you, you may want to see a therapist to help you figure out what’s going on. Finally, if you’re here because you want to force yourself to have sexy dreams or lucid sexy dreams, know this: It’s unlikely that you’ll have the sex dream of your dreams the first time you try (although if you do, you’re my new hero). Instead, you’ll have to patiently persevere every night. Eventually, your brain will catch on and give you what you crave most. <3