Sexual Aversion: What Does It Mean and Is It Normal?

Reading time: 6 minutes

Have you ever felt aversion to sex? Maybe you’ve wondered why you no longer want to have sex? Or maybe you’ve felt like there’s no part of you that’s interested in sex. If so, you may think you have aversion to sex.

but It’s also possible that you’re experiencing what’s called sexual aversion, which comes with low libido—or that you simply identify as asexual.

Sexual aversion and disgust are rarely talked about experiences, but they affect more people than you might think. An estimated 4.5% of women and 2.4% of men experience persistent feelings of sexual aversion.

And living in a society that takes sexual desire for granted, feelings of disgust and anxiety around sex can become even more difficult to deal with.

What does sexual aversion mean?

Sexual disgust means different things to different people. But generally speaking, disgust is centered around sexual behavior.

Maybe you find the idea of ​​sleeping with someone disgusting, or the concept of sex simply has no appeal to you.

Maybe there are parts of sex that make you “gross.” Like oral sex or vaginal sex. According to the LGBTQIA+ Wiki, if you’re disgusted by some sexual behaviors but not others, your ambivalence about sex may be stronger than your disgust about sex.

Some people believe that one of the main differences between sexual repulsion and sexual disgust is Sexual aversion It means being against the idea of ​​having sexual relations. Sexual exclusion Considering sex as a phenomenon (whether it includes you or not) to be unwelcome and disgusting.

If you feel this way, know that this is not a set of diagnostic criteria. Sexual rejection is not a clinical diagnosis, but a way of feeling and being. For some people, sexual rejection goes hand in hand with asexuality, but for others, it has nothing to do with asexuality.

Asexuality and sexual rejection

Asexuality is a spectrum of gender identity. For some people, it means a lack of sexual and romantic attraction, while others feel attracted once they fall in love with someone. Sometimes asexual people desire sex, but usually they don’t.

Being asexual doesn’t mean anything is wrong, it’s an identity like any other. Some asexual people are also disgusted by the concept of sex.

What does sexual aversion mean?

Sexual disgust is closely related to sexual repulsion, but the two are not necessarily the same thing. In the Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy, sexual disgust is described as: “The sexual experience itself is disgusting.”

A few years ago, sexual aversion was added to the diagnostic range of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders. In fact, it is considered one of the two sexual desire diagnoses.

To meet the criteria, you must have “Persistent or recurrent extreme aversion to and avoidance of all or nearly all genital sexual contact with a sexual partner”

However, with the update to the DSM, sexual aversion is no longer a standalone diagnosis. It was moved to the diagnosis of genital-pelvic pain disorder (GPPD). This diagnosis is often described as a phobia—one theory is that GPPD arises from a fear of sex.

This was, and still is, a controversial decision based on the understanding that sexual aversion is partly a phobia and partly a result of other sexual problems, such as pain during intercourse.

However, sexual aversion can also (understandably) co-exist with sexual desire disorder, which, as mentioned above, is how sexual desire disorder has historically been understood. Coincidentally, this also co-exists with GPPD. Because if sex is painful and disgusting, why would you want it?

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Why do we feel aversion to sex?

It’s unclear what causes sexual repulsion, and much of it has to do with conflicting ideas about what is repulsive and what is disgusting.

Low libido and sexual aversion

As mentioned earlier, sexual aversion has been conceptualized as one of two diagnoses of low sexual desire in the DSM.

While it’s no longer an official diagnosis, as a sex therapist and intimacy coach I see from my clients that low or no sexual desire can often lead to aversion or repulsion over time.

Maybe having sex makes you anxious, or the mere thought of kissing your partner makes you cringe. Sometimes it’s almost like an outright fear of sex, like erotophobia.

Sometimes, aversion extends beyond partnered sex and masturbation. Simply reading about sex or seeing a sex scene on a television show can lead to avoidance.

Again, this seems completely reasonable.

Because sexual desire is based on liking sex. If you have had unpleasant sexual experiences in the past or recently, whether forced or simply unpleasant sex – you certainly don’t want it.

That’s because, although desire is considered a hormonal and physiological urge, it’s much more complex. It’s not like our other basic urges, like thirst or tiredness. It’s an emotion that’s influenced by our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with sex.

What You Can Do If You Have Sexual Aversion or Dislike

If you realize that you’re avoiding sex or feeling aversion to it, you may be wondering if there’s anything you should do about it.

The choice is yours. You can go your whole life without having sex and there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, if you have ever desired sex and enjoyed it, or if you have only had negative experiences deep down but feel that sex might be something you Can What do you want in the future – there are things you can do to make it happen.

This is especially true if your negative feelings about sex could be explained by past experiences in your relationship, such as mismatched sexual desires, constant arguments, or sexual assault.

If you already know that you’re ready to take the next step and start craving sex and stop avoiding it – there are many ways to go.

One of them is my free resource, The Desire Test, which helps you figure out why you feel the way you do. The answers will guide you in understanding what you can do to actually desire it again.