Sexual abstinence and sexual abstinence

The scariest thing is fully accepting yourself.

Sex and porn addicts in the early stages of recovery often have little idea of ​​what the term “sexual sobriety” actually means. Sometimes we worry that sexual abstinence will reflect chemical abstinence, and the goal of chemical abstinence is permanent abstinence. Many of us ask our therapist or sponsor some form of the following question: “Will I have a healthy, regular sex life, or will I have to give up sex forever?” This question is often followed by a statement like this: “If I have to give up sex permanently, then you can forget that I’m still in recovery.” Who can blame us for that? The good news is that, unlike sobriety from alcohol and drug addiction, sexual sobriety is not defined by long periods of abstinence. In contrast, recovering sex and porn addicts view sobriety as a way to deal with eating disorders—another area where long-term abstinence is simply not feasible. Rather than abstaining from all sexual activity permanently, we learn to engage in sex in a non-forced, problem-free, life-affirming way. For us, this is sobriety.

today’s task
Make a list of sexual activities that you enjoy (or might enjoy) that do not cause problems in your life and therefore are not part of your addiction. Share this list with your partner (if you have one). If you don’t, share it in therapy, in a 12-step meeting, or with a friend in recovery.