When I tell people that I am a therapy intern at the Sexual Wellness Institute I am always shocked at how few people understand what sex therapy is. For most people, their understanding of sex therapy comes from media portrayals that misconstrue and create a caricature of sex therapy. I can’t count the number of times that I have been compared to Roz Focker, a fictional larger-than-life sex therapist played by Barbra Streisand in the movie Little Fockers. In the movie, Roz casually doles out advice on the most pleasurable sex positions to people she is meeting for the first time and makes family get-togethers awkward when she inquires about the sex lives of her in-laws. She has also coined catchphrases like “Sexpress yourself!” and “Unleash the beast inside you” which she will share with clients, friends, family, and strangers alike. While I appreciate the way that sex therapy has become more mainstream and socially acceptable, I worry that misrepresentations give people that could benefit from sex therapy the wrong idea. Let’s dig into what sex therapy actually is and what you can expect from a sex therapy session at the Sexual Wellness Institute.
The creators of Little Fockers didn’t get everything wrong with their character Roz. First, I appreciate her sex-positive approach to life, and I believe that most sex therapists would agree with my perspective. There is nothing that Roz won’t talk about, whether it is the intimate details of sexual pleasure, kink, BDSM, relationship satisfaction, or sexuality as we age. When you come to Sexual Wellness Institute, there is nothing that we haven’t heard before and no part of your sexual experience is off limits. However, in my opinion, Roz comes off as invasive and violates the boundaries of the people around her. There is no consent from the people she interacts with to confirm that they want to share the personal details of their sex life. In fact, it is quite clear that people find Roz’s constant discussion of sex to be unpleasant and stressful. In real life, the process of sex therapy is client-centered and client-led. We can move at a pace that feels manageable for you and only go into details that you feel safe sharing. It can be important for your therapist to know specific details of your sex life, but you always have the autonomy to say that you don’t want to share, and that will be respected.
Of course, it is important that the therapy space feels safe and you trust your therapist with your story, but there are boundaries around what is and is not appropriate in therapy. These guidelines are in place to protect both you and the therapist. First off, this is not sex work (people who receive money or goods in exchange for sexual services) or sex surrogacy (practitioners who address issues related to intimacy and sex through the use of touch and sexual contact). Therefore, there will be no physical contact, nudity, or sexual activity between you and your sex therapist. In the movie Little Fockers, Roz leads a class in her home for seniors to physically guide them through different sex positions that will work with their aging bodies. At the Sexual Wellness Institute, we are happy to discuss and recommend specific sexual interactions and positions, but we will not touch, guide, or physically assist you in any way. Similarly, we will not invite you to our homes, go to your home, or meet you outside of our office or telehealth session. Unlike Roz, sex therapists are bound by important ethical considerations that prohibit dual relationships or activities that could be construed as friendships.
While Roz appears to be singularly focused on sexual pleasure, true sex therapy covers any and everything related to human sexuality. This could include sexual trauma, enhancing couple intimacy, polyamorous and non-monogamous relationship structures, sexual exploration and development, and sexuality while aging from puberty to menopause and beyond. Similarly, all of the clinicians at the Sexual Wellness Institute are trained as clinical counselors, social workers, or marriage and family therapists in addition to getting training related to sex and sexuality. This means that we are all adept at working with issues like anxiety, depression, and general life dissatisfaction that may or may not be related to your sexual problems.
In addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include therapy around sex and substances, couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.
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