Sex/Pornography Uses: Leisure and at risk and addiction

Dr. Robert Weiss, LCSW

Not everyone who engages in non-intimate sexual behaviors, such as watching porn, webcasts, strip clubs, hookups, etc., will experience problems related to these behaviors, just as everyone who drinks or uses drugs will experience problems. In fact, most people are able to engage in potential addictive behaviors in entertainment without consequences without worrying about addiction.

Generally speaking, there are three categories of gender/porn users: casual, at risk and addictive.

Casual users

Casual sex/porn users are people who find these behaviors interesting and may be distracted for a short period of time. They engage in these activities intermittently, more or less dependent on their living environment. These behaviors are part of the occasional form of entertainment, escape, relaxation, and even healthy socialization. Casual drinkers may relax after work with cocktails, casual porn users may log in for a few minutes to experience some sexual arousal and pleasure.

Occasional use is:

• Intermittent, rarely (if any) excess.
• It is usually driven by curiosity, novelty, or social environment.
• Sometimes driven by life events during life stages – for example, more porn use during adolescence or after breakup.
• This is not a barrier to long-term friendship, family relationships or long-term romance.
• Don’t use it to deal with unresolved early trauma or other long-term stressors.
• It is not shameful to users, nor is it a response to shame.
• Don’t interfere with hobbies and other fun activities.

Users at risk

Use at risk exceeds casual use, but not addictive levels. Users at risk may have intense interactions with sex/pornography, even if they are distracted as stress and other forms of emotional discomfort (as done by drug users), but if they start experiencing negative consequences, they can and can walk away.

High-risk users:

• Impulsiveness can be done in many areas of life.
• Often there are dramatic relationships with family, friends and romantic partners.
• It can keep its potential addictive behavior secret.
• Frequently strive to cope with healthy ways (i.e., contacting others, seeking support and guidance), but instead choose to numb or escape your own feelings with potential addictive behaviors.
• tend to avoid conversations about their potential problem behaviors, which they become irritable if they face.
• tend to escalate their behavior by extending these behaviors or engaging in more intense versions of them.

Addictive users

Addicts forcefully engage in addictive behaviors, regardless of the consequences for themselves and others’ actual and potential. They always use escapist behaviors to distract themselves (sometimes physically) from discomfort. They strive to limit or withdraw from forced action, even if they consistently experience negative consequences of life and have a real desire to change.

Addicted users:

• Use addictive behaviors as a coping mechanism rather than seeking comfort and advice from others.
• There is usually a family history of neglect, abuse, and other forms of family dysfunction.
• Lack of empathy for other people who have been hurt by behavior.
• Live a double life, tell lies and keep their actions secret.
• Inclined to interact with others on the surface, but emotionally distant.
• Negative life consequences associated with their addictive behaviors are consistently experienced, but those consequences are ignored so that they can continue to behave.
• tend to escalate their behavior by extending these behaviors or engaging in more intense versions of them.
• Avoid talking about their addictive behaviors if faced with their irritability and defensiveness.

You may have noticed that users at risk and addicted look very similar. The main difference between these two categories is that users at risk can still control their behavior. When they want to quit, they can do so without external help. Compulsive/addiction users lose this ability.

If you think you (or the person you care about) may be addicted to gender or pornography, but are unsure, take this free and confidential online screening test.

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If you or someone you care about is struggling with sexual, pornography, or material/sex addiction, please help. Seeking integrity to provide hospitalization for sexual, pornographic and material/sex drug users as well as low-cost online task force. Meanwhile, sexAndRelationshiphealing.com offers a variety of free webinars and visit discussion groups, podcasts, and more.