Revealing too much information on the first few dates!

Welcome to Dear Sybersue. Today’s topic has been confusing me.

Why are men and women so quick to open up about their shortcomings, life struggles, exes, or talk about their insecurities when they’re dating? Wouldn’t it make more sense to showcase your positive qualities before telling someone these very personal issues?

I admit I did see bachelor and Bachelorette TV series, mainly because of the dating and relationship topics that come up. (The comment sections on these shows on social media platforms are also very entertaining!) One thing I noticed about the men and women who appear on these shows is that they are very quick to share personal things that are not all that positive.

I understand that we all have sad or difficult stories in our lives, but discussing these stories before you even know someone can ruin what could have been a positive relationship. It seems like this needs to be addressed as soon as possible, and if the other person still likes you after you’ve told them all this information, then maybe your relationship will move on. Doesn’t that sound counterproductive to you?

You only have one date to make a good first impression, So be aware of common mistakes in early dating conversation.

I’m sure you know how important it is to make a good first impression, so why would you tell someone all of your flaws, bad dating/relationship stories, or painful childhood memories with someone you don’t even know? Wouldn’t it be better to just have fun and get them to like you before telling them all the details?

It’s not being dishonest if you don’t tell someone everything right away after meeting them. It’s just protecting yourself!

Additionally, it’s important to build a foundation and trust with someone before showing too much vulnerability and transparency. Too much information of any kind is too much at any time! This is certainly not a safe approach, and safety is a priority when dating. Always take the time to get to know the other person before sharing private details about your life. They need to earn your trust!

Photo by Jarritos Mexican Soda on Unsplash

Date conversations should be light and fun!

If the first date goes well, there will be plenty of time to discuss more serious topics. The last thing you should tell a potential partner is your insecurities or all of your fears. It’s important to remember that we all have these, but we don’t need to point out our flaws to everyone we meet.

Unfortunately, this happens all too often when it comes to dating these days. Think about it, if you spend the entire date spouting things you don’t like about them, how can you expect someone to be receptive to that?

Sadly, the hype of social media hasn’t made this any easier, and some people are feeling more insecure than ever before. With the advent of various cosmetic techniques and surgeries, there’s a growing trend towards perfection. Both men and women have flaws, but having them noticed is not the answer. Being confident and comfortable in your own skin is an attraction that can’t be matched.

Many men I speak to have nothing against full-figured women and embrace women who have no complaints about their bodies. We are sometimes too hard on ourselves but I do understand why this happens. Too many people make negative comments about someone’s appearance. This happens all the time in the comments section of most social media platforms.

The Line Between Sharing and Oversharing in the Early Stages of Dating.

If you find yourself unable to make it through a first or second date, take an honest look back at what happened during that time.

• Was there any response to the discussion?
• Do you find that you repeat a lot of the same conversations every time you go on a date?
• Do you come across as more serious than humorous?
• Do your lines of questioning stem from a strict checklist you follow?
• Do you share information about past dating or relationship history?
• Have you told many of the people you dated that you don’t want to commit or that you don’t want to commit?

Pay close attention to the above. You may not even realize that you are revealing too much information, which can scare people off. It is important to see if you like each other before telling them personal things about yourself. Be aware of whether you are talking about negative situations or being overly positive about yourself. Both of these situations can be considered oversharing.

Finding a balance on a first date; Always ensure that the conversation is responded to!

If the conversation starts to stray off topic, change the subject quickly. Make sure you take turns starting the conversation. Most people are a little nervous on a first date, so don’t jump to conclusions about someone too quickly. Steer the conversation in different directions to make them more comfortable. Find out what fun things they like to do and notice things you have in common. This will lighten the atmosphere and help your date relax.

Some of my clients tell me that they seem to be quick to talk a lot about their exes when they are dating. This is a big mistake that needs to change. Why talk about things that are no longer useful to you? Why talk about your past with someone who could be your future?

If you find that you spend most of your dates talking about your ex, then you’re not ready to expose yourself to others again. Spend some time alone and reflect on what happened in your relationship that led to your breakup.

You don’t learn anything from moving from one relationship to the next. It’s crucial to understand what went wrong between you and your ex so you can improve how you interact with other lovers in the future. Your heart and self-esteem need time to heal.

Some men and women repeat unhealthy patterns because they quickly bounce back into another situation that continues to end the same way. They don’t get the information they should be learning.

Photo by Bruce Mars on Unsplash

Every date starts afresh.

We all make mistakes when it comes to dating. It’s certainly not an easy process, and it takes time to build the confidence to feel comfortable when you meet someone new that you like.

Keep it funny and avoid tense conversations! No one needs to know all of your medical history, your fear of being alone, your inability to be emotionally engaged because of childhood issues, or your difficulty trusting people because of past relationships.

These types of comments can quickly ruin a relationship with someone because you’re telling them all the reasons why they shouldn’t be in a relationship with you.

This is too much information and shows that you are still processing emotional baggage. It is not someone else’s job to fix you, and they are not your therapist. Put yourself in their shoes, would you like to hear this from them? They just want to have a good first date and explore the possibility of a mutual connection.

People don’t waste time in situations that are not good for them, which is why it is so important to show up as your most authentic self every time you meet someone.

Whether you are single, dating, or in a relationship, it is important to have a positive attitude.

Life isn’t easy for many people, but looking at things with a positive attitude is more appealing than listening to those who always think the glass is half empty. Always be your best self and learn quickly by acknowledging those hard lessons. Ignoring them will eventually lead to resentment and distrust in potential partners you may meet.

Be grateful for some of the difficult moments you’ve had to face because they are helping you evolve to a higher level of self-worth. When you take responsibility for the role you’ve played in your past dating and relationship experiences, you’ll begin to find the right path that will bring you the happiness you deserve.

Thanks, Sybersue xo

Sybersue offers private dating relationship coaching – please feel free to contact me at dearsybersue@gmail.com and send me a message there to schedule a video or audio date within 24 hours. Thank you!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube – Dear Sybersue Facebook

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