How do I deal with a partner who is constantly checking in?

Dear Sibosu,

I have lived with my boyfriend for many years Three years. During that time, he kept looking at other women in front of me. It was so embarrassing and disrespectful! I mentioned my troubles to him many times, and he just said: “Do you have any questions? Yes There’s no harm in looking at other women. Why are you so insecure? You are the one I come home to every day! “

I’m not sure I can stand his dismissive attitude, or the sympathetic looks I get from other women he flirts with. I don’t know what else to do and am now seriously considering ending our relationship. If you have any thoughts or suggestions on this issue we would be grateful.

Is there hope that things will eventually change, or will it always be a one-sided partnership?

Thank you very much, Christine

Hi Christine,

Even if we are in a relationship, being attracted to others is a natural reaction, but how we handle it is another matter. A cautious glance is acceptable, but your boyfriend is acting disrespectful his obvious attraction Be consistent with other women in front of you. He did this for the entire three years of your relationship, which is a long time to live with this going on.

I’m pretty sure if it were the other way around, he wouldn’t appreciate you ogling every guy that passes by. I’m not sure if you’ve ever done this, but I’m curious how he would handle it. Some people don’t understand how hurtful something is until they experience the same behavior from their partner!

It would be more tasteful if your boyfriend was more discreet, but he blatantly observes other women and expects you to be okay with it. His reasoning is that you are the one he has chosen and you are the lucky one he comes home to every day. Not exactly a comforting answer! This is more like a “accept or leave” Method. I think many women feel insecure about having to deal with this issue and often wonder if their partner is fully committed their relationship.

A healthy relationship is about mutual respect.

Sadly, you feel very disrespected in the partnership, and you have every right to feel that way. When this becomes a repeating pattern, it can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem! “Is it because I’m not good enough for him? Has he lost his attraction to me?” “Is he going to finally start cheating on me because of this forbidden fruit that’s been right in front of him?? ”

A lot of people would say there’s nothing wrong with looking at other people in a relationship, but I always compare the situation to walking by a bakery every day and staring at the chocolate éclairs in the window. Sometimes the temptation is too much and we end up walking into the store and buying that damn pastry! I’m certainly not saying this will happen to everyone, but I can imagine that three years from now you might be worried about this.

What should you do when your partner continues to pay attention to other women?

#1 – He needs to adopt some more respectful manners. He needs to take your concerns seriously. It’s definitely not comfortable to walk down the street with your boyfriend when he continues to act this way. You mentioned that you get sympathetic looks from women because they may have been in your shoes or felt that his stare was very obvious and extremely disrespectful to you. It’s certainly not comfortable for them either.

You have reached the point where you can’t bear it anymore, but your boyfriend hasn’t made any changes or even compromised at all. This is really inconsiderate! It gets to the point where it feels like he’s rubbing it in your face instead of understanding how much it hurts you.

#2 – When he continues to look at other women and ignore your concerns, stay away from him. You can only do this so many times before you start to feel like you’re allowing him to continue to disrespect you. He doesn’t validate your feelings, he gaslights you with dismissive comments about your insecurities. By removing yourself from the scene, you are not condoning his behavior but respecting yourself.

#3 – It’s time to tell your partner that this constant rude behavior is damaging your relationship and that if some major changes don’t happen in the future, then you’ll move on. You should never be made to feel like you are not your boyfriend’s priority. He must be mature enough to realize that his repetitive attitude needs some big adjustments! Shrug, because there’s nothing terribly insensitive to your feelings.

Talk to him when you have some quiet time alone without any distractions. Tell him you’re not happy dealing with this anymore. You don’t want to continue in this way and constantly feel undervalued. Observe his reaction and really heard What he said to you. If he continues to think this is a conversation not worth discussing, then you’ll have your answer as to how he’s going to continue to move forward in your relationship.

When you are in a committed relationship with your partner for three years, you want to be treated well and make him feel like you are the priority in his life.

You want to know that he is attracted to you and content with being with you. This is not what you are feeling right now and it is tearing at your self-worth. There’s also a difference between glancing at someone attractive and openly staring at them when you’re with your partner. That’s not cool.

If he’s not prepared to make any changes, then you need to make changes if he doesn’t move forward. You deserve the love of a caring, warm-hearted partner who puts you first in his life. Please keep me informed and let me know what’s going on. I hope things improve for you in one way or another and that you get the love and respect you deserve.

Thank you for taking the time to write.

CyberSu XO <3

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