That’s a direct quote from my latest Understanding Intimacy advice column. This month, a divorced man on the other side of a 20-year marriage he described as sexless for the final five years, wrote in asking me to weigh in about confidence, erectile dysfunction, and dating.

You can read the full column here.

But in summary, I responded with three tips to help face this very common yet difficult issue that many men face.

#1 – Focus on pleasure by being fully present in the moment without expectations, embracing all sensations and genuinely connecting with your partner, which leads to a more satisfying sexual experience.

#2 – Communicate openly. When dating, prioritize clear and honest communication about various aspects of life to build a strong relationship foundation, and only discuss sensitive concerns about physical intimacy once you’re comfortable and ready to take things to the next level.

#3 – Get checked out. If you’re still experiencing problems after taking the initial steps, see a medical provider to check for hormonal imbalances, medication side effects, and cardiovascular or diabetic issues. Your provider can determine if everything is functioning normally and offer medication or other options if needed.

*Bonus tip for women seeking to support partners facing confidence and erectile issues: Tread lightly and communicate with love. I think we women often underestimate the physical exertion that’s often required by males to accomplish sex. Relaxation and taking pressure off the sexual experience is really important because we know that erections don’t do well under stress.

All genders have challenges being present for deep connection – or even for something playful and quick. But that doesn’t mean there’s no way to make things better, <first name>. Get on my calendar for a complimentary conversation. We’ll join each other on Zoom. You’ll tell me what’s been bothering you. And you’ll get something important out of the conversation even if we never talk again.

Xoxo,

Jane

PS. If you could use a little help with focusing on pleasure, you should download my “Sexy Adventures for Couples” guide. The 30 playful adventures in this e-book will help you and your partner get out of your heads and into your bed – without pressure.

Use this LINK and download it for free by using the coupon code FREEGIFT. Nice and easy + sexy!