If you’re like me, comparing masturbation to cheating is just plain crazy. But the fact is, for many couples, a fraught question sits atop the masturbation mountain: Is masturbation considered cheating? While the answer to this question will vary from couple to couple, and you’ll experience less heartache, guilt, and sexual frustration if you and your partner agree on this answer, I’m going to go ahead and posit that the short answer to this question is a resounding no. Of course, the long answer is that it all depends on how you define cheating in your relationship.
Let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?
Reasons Why Masturbation Should not be considered cheating:
A relationship does not constitute property.
Trust me, I’m pretty jealous, but I’ve never given my partner a second thought about their masturbation habits. If you’re in a committed monogamous relationship, that’s fine, but I’m willing to bet you’ve never promised ownership of each other’s bodies to the point where the other person can’t touch their own skin. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, your body is entirely yours.
Real cheating involves another person.
Who cares to state the obvious? Let’s be clear, shall we? Masturbation and sex with another person are two very different things. Different in what way? Well, for starters, one requires the presence of another person! We’re talking about scratching two very different types of itches, right? That means that no matter what path If someone masturbates, that’s very different from cheating.
This is not a comment on overall sexual satisfaction.
I mean, unless that’s the case, but if that’s the vibe in your relationship, then masturbation is not The problem is your sex life. The solution probably lies in stronger communication, otherwise there may be general compatibility issues. Either way, such a case would require further analysis rather than letting masturbation trigger the blame game. In a healthy relationship, masturbation should not not This indicates that your partner is not satisfying you or that you are losing interest. If you or your partner find this offensive, lack of self-confidence may be the real culprit.
This can be incorporated into your sex life.
The simple fact that masturbation can (and should) become a part of your sex life with Your partner, because this can be really hot, is letting me know that this isn’t cheating. If you “catch” your partner masturbating without you—or they “catch” you—why not make it a sex game: With their consent, turn it into a voyeur fantasy by watching them, and maybe touching yourself at the same time. If there’s porn involved, you could watch it together. There’s no telling what new sexual territory you might end up exploring as a couple.
This is a normal and healthy activity.
Just like other types of lonely moments (and God knows we all need alone time), Masturbation is a completely natural inclination. Although few studies focus specifically on the benefits of masturbation, research suggests that sexual stimulation (including masturbation) can: reduce stress, release tension, improve sleep quality, increase concentration, improve mood, relieve menstrual cramps, relieve pain, and improve sex life, because time spent touching yourself and fantasizing sexually can actually make you a more in tune lover!
Reasons why masturbation may seem threatening:
You and your partner have agreed to only enjoy together.
If you are in the kind of relationship where you and your partner agree that you need to share all If orgasms are considered a betrayal of this agreement, then obviously that would create a problem. But in a relationship situation as restrictive as this one, it seems likely that one or both partners will end up masturbating in secret, which is probably a sign that the agreement needs to be deepened and possibly rethought.
It’s secret.
I have masturbated without telling my partner, but I usually talk about it because I know it turns him on. That said, if asked, I would never lie and insist that I didn’t masturbate when I did. And neither would he. That way, we maintain an honest relationship where there is still room to explore privately if this is what the goddess has ordained. If, however, you or your partner hide and/or lie about your masturbation habits, the hiding and lying part can be a cause for concern (or at least further discussion).
Pornography is actually at the heart of the threat.
Maybe the real problem is that you or your partner is watching porn to masturbate. Clear communication is absolutely necessary on this point, because there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to porn and personal feelings or preferences. If you feel betrayed, say so. The reality is that people have a rainbow of different feelings about porn. Maybe you’re cool with some guys, but not the kind that degrades women. Talk about it. Or maybe you like watching porn together, but not separately. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it. But really, even if one or both partners can take into account with the other partner masturbating and/or watching porn, equating this with cheating is wrong.
Your sex life/relationship is less than optimal.
While masturbation doesn’t compete with sex in a healthy relationship, if you or your partner haven’t been able to enjoy sex as a couple, it’s understandable that masturbation may start to become the preferred option, especially if the masturbating partner is using it as a substitute for communication. Your sex life can suffer for any number of physical or emotional reasons, and as with most things, communication is key, baby. And so is honesty with yourself.
Bottom line: Masturbation is not cheating, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
That said, if your relationship suffers from a lack of communication, an abundance of insecurity, a lack of honesty—or all of the above—that’s a different matter entirely. However, I trust that you are perfectly equipped to unravel the mysteries of your relationship—masturbatory or otherwise. You can do it. <3