Porn Addiction: Finding the Right Therapist

Erin Snow

Porn addicts almost always need outside help if they hope to achieve lasting sobriety and healing. If they could change their situation on their own, they would. But they can’t, so they don’t. Willpower alone won’t work. So, even though most porn addicts would rather eat a plate of mud than talk to someone about their addiction to porn, they will eventually seek help.

Typically, this help begins with addiction-focused therapy, preferably provided by a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). CSATs are needed because sex and porn addiction are unique in many ways, which means that treatment is highly specialized.

Unfortunately, the process of finding a qualified treatment professional is not always easy. If porn addicts do not make an effort to find a good CSAT, they may encounter clinicians who are familiar with a variety of related and co-occurring issues (most notably depression and anxiety) but are unfamiliar with porn addiction. These clinicians will often diagnose and treat the client’s secondary issues while never actually touching upon the addict’s primary problem — addiction — because they do not know how to diagnose or address it.

Sex Therapist

While one might assume that someone certified as a “sex therapist” would understand porn addiction, this is often not the case. Sex therapists are trained to be completely sex-positive, meaning their goal is to help people feel better about their sexual interests (without considering how compulsively engaging in those interests can be problematic). While this affirming, supportive, nonjudgmental approach can be a very effective approach when dealing with other sexual issues, such as discomfort with same-sex attractions or a certain fetish, this well-intentioned advice is counterproductive for porn addicts.

Sex therapists often give advice like, “You really should just relax and try to be more comfortable with your sexuality.” Of course, this is not what porn addicts need to hear. Imagine a therapist telling an alcoholic who has been arrested twice for drunk driving to relax and stop drinking ashamed. Well, that’s what sex therapists often do with porn addicts.

Moralistic Therapist

Sex therapists are not the only clinicians who can do more harm than good when treating porn addicts. On the other hand, some misguided mental health professionals label their patients as addicts in order to marginalize sexual behaviors that do not align with the therapist’s personal or religious belief system. In essence, these therapists attempt to act as the sex police, imposing broad moral, cultural, or religious values ​​on human sexuality to create a narrow view of sexual health.

These therapists often misapply the porn addiction diagnosis, using it to “treat” homosexuality, bisexuality, recreational (non-addictive) porn use, casual sex, non-monogamy, fetishes, and a wide variety of other sexual behaviors that, in fact, fall well within the boundaries of normal and healthy adult sexuality.

Evaluating Potential Therapists

When choosing a therapist, porn addicts should not focus so much on the clinician’s academic credentials as on whether the person is certified and has experience treating sex and porn addictions. The “CSAT” designation (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) after the clinician’s name is a primary indicator of these qualifications.

Even so, it’s wise to make sure the clinician is the right fit. You should feel comfortable (not ashamed or devalued) and understood (supportive and guiding) by this person, and you should feel like they have the necessary knowledge and experience to help you. If you’re dealing with porn addiction, you also need a therapist who will confront your behaviors and distorted thinking (your denial), even if doing so makes you uncomfortable.

Asking certain questions before or during your initial consultation can be very helpful in choosing the right therapist. Here are some sample questions for potential therapists:

• Are you trained in the diagnosis and treatment of sex and porn addiction? If so, what kind of training did you receive? (If the therapist is CSAT trained and certified, you are on the right track.)
• Do you have experience working with clients with pornography addiction? If so, how much experience?
• Do you help patients with other addictions (alcohol, drugs, etc.)?
• Would you recommend your porn addiction patients to attend 12-step recovery meetings? (Most good porn addiction therapists would say that they not only recommend it, but insist on it.)
• Do you offer group therapy focused on sex/porn addiction and recommend it to your clients? (Most good porn addiction therapists will say that they not only recommend this, but insist on doing so.)
• How will you help me if I relapse? (A good porn addiction therapist will take a non-shaming approach and look at the root causes of the relapse and how the addict can avoid relapsing in the future.)
• If applicable: Are you comfortable working with gay clients?
• If applicable: How will you address or deal with my religious beliefs?
• If applicable: What kind of guidance and support can you provide to my spouse? (Often, a good porn addiction therapist will recommend that your spouse see a different therapist who is knowledgeable about porn addiction and experienced in working with spouses of porn addicts.)

If you don’t feel a connection with your therapist within the first two or three sessions, you may need to find someone else. like your therapist; it simply means that you feel they understand you and that they are able to help you achieve your goals.

Although you might want to find someone who can help you Nowespecially if you are in the middle of an addiction-related crisis, it is a good idea to interview multiple potential clinicians before deciding who to go to. There is nothing wrong with doing this. In fact, good therapists understand that both parties need to be comfortable with each other and will not be upset if you choose someone else. The best clinicians will sometimes encourage potential clients to sit with several people before deciding who is the best fit for them and their situation. They may even provide the names and contact information of other CSAT-certified clinicians.

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If you or someone you love is struggling with sex, pornography, or drug/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to inpatient rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for newly recovered male sex addicts and male pornography addicts. Click here for information about our sex addiction workgroup. Click here for information about our pornography addiction workgroup.