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Mixing Drugs and Sex, An Online Sex Therapist in

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Most of us have been there. Some level of intoxication, clouded judgment, maybe even some regret the morning after. Most of us are no stranger to some of the psychological interplay between substance use and sexual behavior. And it’s not always cause for alarm. 
Much has been said about this interplay and I don’t expect to cover it all here. In broad terms, many people use substances to mask or cope with insecurity and/or anxiety around their sexual behaviors. Unfortunately, alcohol and many stimulants (among other substances) often exacerbate conditions like erectile dysfunction. In effect, this creates a vicious cycle of use, some level of sexual discomfort, and at times continued use. 

Unintended Consequences, Blame, Shame, and Sex-Positivity

Substance use also increases the risk of sexual assault, unplanned pregnancy, and other adverse sexual consequences. Despite all of this, access to substances is typically fairly easy and the enjoyment from dopamine release is undeniable. If a cycle exists, it can be hard to break. 
It’s not my intent to teetotal or wag a finger, as I am distinctly pro-pleasure and sex-positive. On the contrary, my aim is to shed some light on this interplay and share some tools/resources that might facilitate sexual and personal goal attainment.

Four Ways to Start Exploring Your Relationship With Substance Use and Sexuality

1. Challenge shaming messages that you have received and replace them with affirming and normalizing ones that paint sexuality as positive.

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2. Seek out peers and partners that share these beliefs and values.

3. Set firm boundaries with those who might reinforce old shaming scripts.

You may find that it’s not always possible or even desirable to “cut people out of your life” entirely. In that case, you might come up with some “I statements” that assert your beliefs and clarify your sexual values. Examples might include “________ is important to be because _________, “I don’t think that way anymore though I respect your right to make your own decisions,” etc. 

4. Reflect on motivation for being sexual.

Sex Therapy for Substance Abuse and Sexuality May Help

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