Submissive One Night Stand

Keep BDSM safe by prioritizing communication, consent, and mutual respect. Whether you’re a beginner or experienced, understanding these fundamentals will ensure you have a safe and enjoyable experience. Discover practical tips on how to cross boundaries and create a positive, trusting environment for you and your partner.

Learn about Submissive BDSM One-Night Stand

Relatively speaking New to the BDSM lifestyleI don’t know if this phenomenon is a recent phenomenon, due to the popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey series, or if it’s been around since the beginning, but it seems like more and more women are engaging in one-night stands in submissive settings, using them as a way to check items off their kinky “to-do” lists.

For those of you who have read some of my previous posts related to my submissive adventures, you will be familiar with Mr. K, my Dom friend in Zurich who has been a great inspiration and guide for me in my exploration of the BDSM lifestyle.

Lately, our conversations have revolved around his return to the lifestyle after a break. It seems that whether he searches on Fetlife, Tinder or Whiplr, most of the women who want to connect are bored housewives who fantasize about having a Fifty Shades of Grey relationship. They use it to complete their fetish checklist.

Experience an exciting BDSM night at Adult Smart

How to stay safe in the world of BDSM?

Now, I’m all for female empowerment and our right to choose what to do with our bodies, but I do question whether this is a safe way to explore new interests in the world of BDSM. Since staying safe in the world of BDSM relies on trust and awareness of risk, can one really trust someone completely in a one-night stand, or does it just leave both parties vulnerable?

Take Mr. K’s most recent sub play session, for example. This young lady was, in his words, “a bucket list item.” Their night was like a BDSM must-do: begging, humiliation, bondage, spanking, facials, anal sex, and golden showers. Having played with Mr. K, I know that he has strong instincts and self-control and would never cross the boundaries agreed upon before a session. But even I would not have trusted him enough in our first session to do to me what this young lady wanted him to do to her.

How can I trust someone to be in complete control of a situation?

Why? Because how much trust can you put in someone you met online? How can you be sure that this person isn’t a crazed sexual sadist whose main goal is to lure unsuspecting women into dangerous, life-threatening situations from which they can’t escape?

Imagine this scenario:

A terrifying situation becomes a reality

You have just arrived at a The guy you met on Tinder Less than a week ago, you had only briefly exchanged a few thoughts about what you wanted to do on your first night. You chalked up that nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right to nerves and tried to ignore it. Mr. Tinder opened the door and invited you in. He was charming and attentive. He offered you a drink, which you accepted, and started making small talk. Soon after, he asked if you were ready to get started. He suddenly seemed anxious.

He takes you to the back of the house and places you in a restraint on a bed in one of the bedrooms. Once tied up, you see the visage of the man who had seemed so charming and cheerful when you arrived has vanished, his hungry eyes light up as he pushes the gag into your mouth. He turns his back to you and you watch him pick something up from the dresser. When he turns back to you, he has a syringe in his hand…

It may sound far-fetched, but these things do happen.

It sounds like the plot of a Hollywood psychological thriller, or a case study of a sexual sadist from a psychology textbook, doesn’t it? I would never be in that situation. The three women who fell victim to Queensland sexual sadist-turned-murderer Francis Michael Fahey would not agree.

Here are 10 common questions to help you stay safe in the world of BDSM:

How do I vet potential partners for safety?
Research their backgrounds, ask for recommendations from trusted members of the community, and discuss mutual expectations.
What should I ask before agreeing to meet a new Dominant?
Ask about their experience, boundaries, expectations, and make sure you’re on the same page about consent and communication practices.
How important is a safeword? How do I choose one?
A safe word is essential for stopping or pausing play. Choose a word that is easy to remember and not relevant to the situation.
Should I meet in a public place before a private meeting?
Yes, meeting in a public place first ensures your comfort and allows for trust to be established on a neutral ground.
Should I communicate my boundaries beforehand?
Clearly define your limits, both hard and soft, and make sure the Dominant fully understands and respects them.
How can I ensure my safety during the conference?
Discuss safety measures, ask them about their knowledge of safety techniques, and make sure first aid supplies are available.
What precautions should I take before a private meeting?
Share your plans with a trusted friend, including location, time, and check-in time.
How do I handle red flags or discomfort?
If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts, communicate clearly, and don’t hesitate to walk away or stop the interaction.
How can I stay emotionally safe in a BDSM dynamic?
Establish emotional boundaries, check in with your feelings regularly, and ensure ongoing communication with your partner.
What role does aftercare play in ensuring safety?
Aftercare is essential for emotional and physical recovery. Make sure to discuss and provide follow-up care after each treatment to maintain your health.

Going too far

How do you know how far someone is willing to push you? Or more importantly, how does someone who is pushing you to your limits know where to start or how far to push? Remember, you don’t know each other beyond a few messenger exchanges.

I know from talking to Mr. K that one of his concerns about a new partner is whether they are strong and self-aware enough to back off when the pressure gets too much, or even to know where their limits are. Keep in mind that without consent, most of these behaviors are considered abuse, and the consequences can cause long-term emotional problems for both the abused and the dominant.

But if you must…

Summarize

The “one night stand only” submissive style isn’t my cup of tea, but if you want to delve into the one night stand list that involves the D/s aspect Bondage and Trainingtake the time to research what you want to try, set clear limits and boundaries, don’t be afraid to use a pre-agreed safeword, let others know where you’re going and when you’ll get back to them, and most importantly, listen to your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, leave.

Have fun and stay safe!

Love Morgan