How to Keep the Romance Alive While Sharing a Home With

The holidays are here, and so are family visits in all their historic glory. If you’re destined to spend the holidays with your parents, you and your partner may feel like love (and sex) will have to take a back seat until family activities are over. Maybe you’ve accepted that and are okay with it. Maybe you don’t agree with it, but understand that sacrifices have to be made. Or maybe your parents are ultra-progressive and sex-positive and want you to feel comfortable expressing the full range of romantic feelings with your partner, even in their orbit, but you still feel a little awkward about it. Or maybe you have no problem expressing your love (and even a little lust) in front of your family, but your partner isn’t convinced. The scenarios are endless, honestly.

Whether you and your partner are spending the holidays together at your family place; together at their the place of the family; split your time between the two; or spend the holidays separately with your respective families, there are are ways to keep the romance alive. Trust me.

Calm atmosphere

In a scenario where you are spending the holidays together in the house of one or more of your parents, and probably sharing a room (unless your parents are great (old school), it can be torture to lie next to each other at night if you don’t feel comfortable helping each other, er, relieve tension. Plus, who doesn’t deserve a holiday orgasm (or ten)? Okay, so maybe the walls are thin. And maybe you don’t want to invite your vibrator to the party because you know everyone will laugh about it at breakfast. For starters, think about the kinkiness of using a gag so that no uncontrollable moan can escape you. Second, consider the delightfully avant-garde phenomenon known as calm atmosphere— a category of ultra-discreet vibrators that, you guessed it, are silent. Still think good love has to wait until 2022?

A return to innocence

Sometimes, no matter how creative and devious you make plans to keep the flame alive while you’re at your parents’ house, it just isn’t possible. Maybe there are too many nosy kids around, not enough locks on the doors, and cat hair on every surface. You tell me. If full-on sex isn’t an option even if your bodies are inhabiting the same space, get busy building romance by returning to a little innocence. I’m talking about a little flirting (shameless or not), physical touch and affection (shoulder rubs are always good, as are hugs that let you breathe in their skin), and, when you have a room to yourself, kiss. Being subtly sensual is generally underrated, and yet if you look closely, you’ll see that kissing like teenagers deserves recognition for its deeply arousing foreplay value, especially when it goes on for days or more without release. Mmmm.

Digital love

If you and your If you’re spending time with your families apart over the holidays, let technology come to the rescue, right? There are so many tools at your disposal that it’s not even funny. From Zoom sex (with headphones, for heaven’s sake) to dirty photos to sexting at super inappropriate times (like when you’re listening to your aunt discuss who really did 9/11 and the dangers of vaccinations), the choice is yours. If you’re willing to go the Zoom or phone sex route but are worried your siblings will hear your end of the conversation and camp out with a beer on your doorstep, muffling their laughter, consider silent Zoom sex. It’s simple: just rely on images instead of each other’s voices. And open a chat window if need be. You can make it extra juicy by packing some super skimpy lingerie or other creative outfits. Hot.

Communication and compromise

In an ideal world, you and your partner would both be on the same page about the holidays: You visit your family(ies) in a united and enviable front, and in the wee hours of the morning, you make sweet, quiet love until you can smell your dad’s famous blueberry pancakes wafting through the house. But it’s possible (and even likely) that while you’re totally on board with moving into the family home, your partner isn’t—or vice versa. Here’s an idea: Before the holiday madness sets in, sit down and be honest with your partner about what you want and envision for the holidays—and let them be honest, too. From there, you can find a compromise that works for you and your families. Plus, in case you missed the memo, strong communication is inherently sexy.

Bottom line: In my humble opinion, your first line of defense against a couples vacation spent with family should be a good sense of humor, right? Keep a little perspective when eating, drinking, and having fun with your loved ones. And don’t lose sight of the lover sitting next to you (or waiting for your late-night performance on Zoom). Even if you can’t hold on to each other with your usual level of inhibition, sometimes slowing down and looking at your significant other in the company of your family can take your romance to the next level. Is it hot in here, or did the turkey cook a little too long?

Need some extra inspiration? Consider these 5 fun and sexy vacation activities to help you blow off some steam.