Most women with vulvas can reach orgasm in less than ten minutes, but when it comes to partnered sex, it’s a whole different story. A recent study found that 39% of women consistently orgasm when masturbating, compared to 6% during intercourse. There are a million different factors that can make it difficult to achieve orgasm: the wrong type of stimulation, lack of information, poor communication, poor positioning, not giving yourself enough time, etc.
Here are six tips to ensure you achieve orgasm during partnered sex:
Focus on your breathing
Deeper breathing can help you achieve deeper, stronger, and longer-lasting orgasms. Open your mouth and take deep, abdominal breaths as you feel the pleasure building. There is no target duration; the key is to breathe deeply from your diaphragm instead of inhaling and exhaling shallowly through your chest. When your orgasm begins, do your best to continue breathing and relax your entire body. This allows the waves of sensation to travel through the nerves throughout your body so you can experience a full orgasm.
Get in touch with your body
Another way to achieve orgasm is to pay attention to what type of touch gives you the most pleasure, and then tell or show your partner what you like. Your body is covered in highly sensitive areas that you may never have thought to explore, such as your shoulders, lower back, calves, soles of your feet, and forearms. Also explore other common erogenous zones, or areas that are more sensitive and generate a sexual response when stimulated.
Playing with toys
Using sex toys, like vibrators, can be a fun and helpful way to help partners reach orgasm. Toys take the pressure off, which can help open all sorts of doors to orgasm with your partner in general. It’s actually a scientific fact that vibrators enhance sexual satisfaction, so between the toys and your partner, you’re setting yourself up for an intense situation that will be filled with more orgasms than you probably would have if it were just you and your partner.
Try different positions
Sometimes, simply breaking away from your usual routine can increase your pleasure and lead to better orgasms. If you’re used to having sex on your back, roll over onto your stomach to experience new sensations. Mixing up your pleasures and trying new positions can help you have a better orgasm and boost your and your partner’s libido, especially if your libido is low and you’re going through a dry spell. Keep experimenting to find what works best for you and your partner.
Do your Kegel exercises.
The pelvic floor muscles are the most important muscles that many women forget to exercise. Kegel exercises work your pelvic floor, which can potentially lead to better orgasms. Exercising the muscles that surround the vagina—by squeezing or contracting them—helps bring blood to the pelvic floor and increase arousal. Women who are able to contract and relax these pubococcygeal (PC) muscles can also increase their male partner’s pleasure and help him reach orgasm. Men, too, can practice PC muscle exercises to increase the intensity of their orgasms and have better erections.
Don’t try to have an orgasm
Focus is a key part of having an orgasm. So it may seem counterproductive to say that you should stop trying to orgasm if you want to have better orgasms, but it’s that simple. When the anticipation of orgasm becomes the main focus of sex, it’s hard to realize how much pleasure your body is actually experiencing. Being in the moment increases arousal. Instead of focusing on how you want to feel at the end, focus on how you’re feeling right now. Close your eyes and concentrate on the sensations you’re feeling.