How to Get Started in BDSM | Aldult Toys Blog

When it comes to sexual fantasies or experiences we want to try, many people are curious about what S&M or BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism) is. But even though most of us are generally familiar with the idea of ​​BDSM and what it can entail, it can still be incredibly intimidating. It’s not just the toys and gear that we see so often in pop culture, it also has its own lingo and community. It’s easy to feel like it’s a club that we know nothing about. But if it’s something you’re interested in, it’s actually easier to get into than you might think.

The most important things to remember when it comes to BDSM are trust, safety, and communication. From discussing the possibility with a partner to participating in a scene, these three elements should always be present. They are your mantra.

Once you have that in mind, here’s how you can get started.

Check out our curated selection of sex toys and BDSM items.

1. Watch porn to get ideas

First of all, if you are totally new to the idea, then watch porn can be a great learning tool. Now, you might not want to jump right into hardcore BDSM, because you’ll see things you can’t unsee. There’s definitely stuff going on there. But looking for some gentler S&M to start with will give you a good idea of ​​where to start. beauty has a great “Bondage” category if you’re looking to relax!

2. Find a partner you feel safe with

Safety first — and that can mean a few different things. First, you need to find someone you can trust. If you have a long-term partner, that’s probably going to be them, but if not, you need to find someone you feel safe with. If you’re looking for advice, you can also look for someone with a little more experience in the field than you — but only if you’re confident they’ll use that knowledge respectfully. Create a plan of action security word (yes, these are real things) and discuss your boundaries ahead of time. You want every step to be safe and consensual. Going into your first experience with a plan can be really helpful.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask questions

If you’re looking for some accessories or toys to get you started, or you’re just curious, try going to a sex toy store and asking them what they recommend. Not only do they tend to be some of the friendliest people around, but they’ve also seen it all, so there’s really nothing to be embarrassed about. You can also look up information about BDSM online, and there’s usually a friendly community of people willing to answer your questions.

4. Avoid alcohol

This statement may sound surprising, but it makes a lot of sense. “Yes, I know you get braver after a few drinks,” Miranda Kane, a former dominatrix, tells Metro. “I know it sounds sexy to go all out when you’re full of Dutch courage, but it’s not without its dangers, and I promise you it’s not as good as being able to look back and remember it—that feeling of power or submission—with clarity.” It will also help you both feel safe at all times.

5. Start slowly

You may have some extreme S&M fantasies in mind that you’re desperate to live out, but it’s really important to take it slow. What you like in theory may be very different from what you end up liking in reality—and sometimes, you don’t know something is too much until you get there. So, take it slow, checking in with your partner every step of the way. Start with some light bondage, like one of you tied up, or the other soft spanking is a great way to start slowly. And remember, you can always increase the intensity later.

6. Try subbing and domming

Even if you have a fantasy about being submissive or dominant, you don’t really know what you’re going to enjoy until you actually do it – after all, some people like both. Keep ridiculous gender stereotypes at bay and try a little bit of everything – don’t be afraid to explore.

7. Keep it fun

Finally, keep it fun. People use the word “play” a lot in BDSM for a reason. Ultimately, you need to have a good time. When you’re developing a scene, especially in the beginning, leave room for play and discovering what turns you on, what you like, and what you don’t like. While some parts of BDSM may seem very serious on the outside (and they can be very sexy), don’t lose sight of the playfulness.

BDSM can seem like a completely unknown world if you’ve never tried it before, but if you’re curious, that shouldn’t stop you. There are many ways to get involved and you should never be embarrassed to ask questions. Just keep the communication open and make sure there’s always trust and safety. Oh, and have fun.

Cover image source: Complex