How edging can help fight premature ejaculation

Men and penis owners, listen up. If you find yourself apologizing for not lasting long enough during sex, you might want to hold off. The experience of “not lasting long enough” doesn’t mean you have a premature ejaculation problem, but it could be a core aspect of your sexual issues. Regardless, if you want to learn how to delay gratification and prolong that really great feeling before orgasm, this article is for you.

To get a better understanding of how the body works to orgasm, check out my previous article: Premature Ejaculation: How to Last Longer in Bed? This article will also give you some practical tips to help you last longer during sex. Here, we’ll dive into edging techniques you can use on your own—and eventually with your lover.

The mind-body connection

You need to understand the power of the mind, and the role it plays in your ability to delay ejaculation. When you think you’re facing a threat, whether real or imagined, your sympathetic nervous system is activated. This is the fight or flight response, during which blood flows to your larger muscles, brain, and heart. You guessed it, this means insufficient blood flow to the penis, which can lead to premature ejaculation.

Unconsciously, your brain has perceived a threat, perhaps “I’m not a good lover and my partner isn’t having fun.” This perceived threat puts your self-esteem at risk, which causes the body to respond in a self-protective way that it has learned; rushing through the sex act to eliminate the perceived threat. Over time, this becomes a learned behavior and these thoughts become so ingrained that you actually believe them. Neither of these situations helps solve the problem.

From “fight or flight” to “eat and reproduce”

One simple strategy is to learn how to enter the parasympathetic nervous system. This system is rest and digest, also known as feeding and breeding. When we are in the parasympathetic nervous system, we feel relaxed and blood flows throughout our body, including the penis.

Focusing on your breathing for a few minutes will help you get into this feeling of calm and stress reduction. I’m talking about belly breathing like you do in meditation and yoga classes. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, place one hand on your lower abdomen and the other on your chest. As you inhale, start with your abdomen expanding, imagine the breath moving up your torso, pulling your rib cage apart, and then up into your chest, noticing it rising slightly. This inhale should take about five seconds. On the exhale, you should also take five seconds to feel your chest sink, your rib cage contract, and your abdomen soften. You can close your eyes at the end and repeat this several times or even for a few minutes.

Once you feel comfortable and understand how to reduce anxiety and increase relaxation in both your body and mind, you can move on to edging.

Edge Technology

Experimenting with different masturbation techniques can help you climax in ways your mind and body aren’t used to. By edging, you’ll learn how to prolong your own pleasure. This, in turn, can help you increase your partner’s pleasure when you’re with them. So everyone wins.

First, it’s important to set healthy expectations for yourself and your partner. You don’t have to masturbate or have sex for an hour. When people say they like to have sex a lot or for a long time, they fail to mention that it’s not an hour of sustained intercourse. People can also take time for sex, mutual massage, mutual masturbation, impact play, bathroom and water breaks, pillow talk, and aftercare.

Being able to identify your point of no return is key to prolonging sex. The point of no return is that moment when it feels so good that you let go and give in to orgasm and ejaculation. When edging, you have to muster enough willpower to stop yourself and let the urge subside. Then you keep going and “edge” closer to orgasm. Then stop and repeat the process as many times as you want. The following strategies are two simple ways to help habituate your mind and body to identifying your point of no return and prolonging it.

Stop-Start Edge Technology

This one is simple. When you feel yourself getting close to ejaculating while masturbating, stop stimulating yourself until the urge passes. This means taking your hand off your penis and incorporating the breathing techniques discussed earlier to help connect your mind and body in the moment.

Extruded Edge Technology

Very similar to the stop-start edging technique, the squeeze technique involves stopping stimulation of the penis when you feel like you’re about to ejaculate. Only, instead of removing your hand, you focus on the tip of the penis by squeezing the glans. I recommend keeping squeezing for even up to a minute or two until the urge passes. When the urge to ejaculate passes, you can re-stimulate the penis and then re-squeeze when you again feel like you can’t ejaculate anymore.

Going to the edge

For both techniques, it’s best to repeat the process three to five times, ending the whole process with an orgasm and ejaculation. As you continue to practice these solo edging techniques three times a week, you’ll gain confidence in identifying your “point of no return.” Over time, this point of no return should take longer to achieve than when you first started practicing. This means you can experience more of those really great feelings and last longer in bed.

Incorporate marginalized people into your relationship

When you feel confident about your point of no return, you may want to involve your partner in your edging—it can be fun for them, too! This may look like your partner stimulating you with their hands or a sex toy that simulates penetration. Over time, you may find yourself being able to delay ejaculation despite the extra distractions and stimulation.

You can also enjoy ejaculation during penetrative sex! You don’t necessarily need to use masturbation techniques—although you can. Other ways to delay ejaculation during sex with a partner include slowing down, changing positions, or focusing on your breathing to increase mind-body awareness.

Now is the perfect time to develop new habits to improve your relationship with your body and your sex life. Remember, your mind and body have already learned this behavior – which means you can also unlearn it!