Gifts of Care: A Guide to Alternative Gifts

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I love finding the right gift at the right time. Something that immediately brings to mind. Lost items in the home cook’s kitchen. This is the perfect book for a certain moment in someone’s life. Emma Straub’s this time tomorrow A friend was dealing with the death of a parent. Naomi Alderman’s strength For those who are going through a breakup. I want the people I love to feel seen and cared for. During the holidays, it’s easy to default to the gift of care we’re being sold when we try to provide that care to the people in our lives. Soft blankets, scented candles and bath bombs, manicure appointments and spa day gift certificates can bring joy, but I can’t help but wonder if there are more effective, long-lasting ways to provide comfort.

That’s not to say we all don’t deserve a little treat or moment of reprieve as we prepare to enter a new year, which not only brings a void in our resolutions, but quite a few political fear. We need self-care, but we know self-care won’t solve our problems. As Rina Raphael writes in the book The health gospel: Gyms, gurus, Goop, and the false promise of self-carethese things we sell will never make up for the system that failed us.

What if this year, we thought about what the people in our lives really need? How do we support them in ways other than material things? What gifts are we uniquely positioned to give? How can we bring ease, ease, and space to those around us even after the holidays are over?

food gifts

Making cookies and candies and wrapping them every year has become a holiday ritual of mine. I make this a special treat for my gluten free friends. Special cookies I made for my cousin. I hope I still get the chance to make brownies and pies for my dad every year. Food gifts are inexpensive but show that you took the time to think about the person who will receive them. This year, I wondered if there was a way to take it a step further.

What if instead of infusing sugar, we focused on or included prepared frozen meals—healthy casseroles and comfort foods that can be reheated and eaten during turbulent times? This is something many people do for their loved ones when they are grieving and is a way to make someone feel cared for when they need it most. This can also take the form of whipping up some bean soup mix in mason jars, or going out and shopping for staples and assembling a booklet of simple, five-ingredient pantry meals. For new parents, those who are managing a health condition, or those who are stressed by daily demands, having these on hand can provide real relief. If money is not an issue but time is, a meal prep kit or a gift card for a grocery or delivery service is also an option.

Home Help

If someone is struggling with mental health, grief, or feeling overwhelmed, in-home help can be life-changing. If you’re good at organizing, decorating, or doing things yourself, offering these services could help someone solve a problem that’s been causing them anxiety for months. Or, if money is no object and a friend expresses the need to have their carpets cleaned again and again, the gift of professional cleaning may be the thing they need most.

But be sure to ask and listen to your friends and family first. Don’t assume you know what people need; instead, let them tell you how best to support them.

These are things that are personal to you, based on your skills and the needs expressed by the people in your life. Maybe a new mom or grad student mentioned they needed help wrapping Christmas presents that you wrapped at the mall in high school. Or maybe you’re a skilled nanny with endless patience for young children who can provide one-night care. I can’t offer any of these things, but I can help with resume editing. I can help write a cover letter or application that a friend wants to send. Each of us has unique strengths to provide a specific type of care.

A gift to the people in your life might just be creating time and space for you to be together. Especially when people enter different stages of life, time spent in the same place becomes precious. You can gift a breakfast or lunch to a group of people in your life. If someone is going through a particularly difficult phase, you can work with a group to provide what they really need: organize a meal tree and divide tasks, such as trips to the grocery store or picking up medications.

Are you an expert knitter and your friends are always in awe of your skills? Can you invite them over for a sleepover and teach them? Or create an online tutorial or Zoom meeting? Or would you like to host a skills-sharing session where everyone can come together and exchange knowledge?

care kit

What are some of the things you turn to on your most difficult days? Is there an art that calms you down? Are there memories, foods, or practices that keep you grounded? Is there a way to share these salves with others? Maybe this will take the form of a “bad day” playlist filled with songs that connect well with you and your friends. Or a book of poetry that inspires joy. Make a photo album or scrapbook with your favorite photos with friends. Maybe it’s a collage of just photos of your beloved dog that you printed from your mother’s Instagram account. The value of these things far outweighs their cost.

outside of holidays

This spirit of attention and care is what we need all year round. This kind of gift giving is a small way to practice the concept of mutual aid and collaborative communication, which is to give what you can and get what you need in return. Mutual aid contrasts with a political moment defined by rugged individualism. It goes beyond the self-care practices we are often sold as antidotes. Instead, this worldview values ​​the collective and what each of us can do for the collective. When we contribute the skills and resources we have to our families, communities, friends, and neighbors, we all become richer in return. That’s the spirit I’m looking for every season.