Fight with your spouse before going to bed? Psychologist’s skills

For many couples, it’s a familiar scene: you go to work, exhausted, have supper, watch TV and go to bed.

Just like you cover up the cover, you think it’s the best time for a long discussion about finances, children, relationship status, or three seconds your partner made two years ago just to keep things trivial.

What follows may be an outrageous back and forth, each other scrutinizing each other’s words and microexpressions in the dim light of the bedside lamp, which is begging to close.

After a few “Can we talk about this later?” requests and “But we can’t be angry!” retorts that an hour has passed and your partner will be happy to remind you that the next day “maybe sleeping”.

So, why does this happen? Why we think those sacred moments before the stand-up – aiming to end and hit you Goodreads Reading Goals – Is it the best time to play our messy situation?

This pattern is more common than you think, according to Carly Dober, chief psychologist and clinic owner of The Psychology of Abundant Life.

Nervous late at night

Dober explains that individual biology and nervous system can greatly influence the way and when couples argue.

As fatigue manifests at the end of a long day, it can affect how people interpret situations that may not feel strong during daytime.

When she tells the news, conflicts usually occur when there isn’t enough time to connect with and talk to their partner during a busy day because the average day of business distracts them until it’s time to go to bed. ” com.au.

Some people may discuss certain topics throughout the day, just because their emotions become more obvious at night, prompting them to raise them.

What do couples usually argue about?

Dober, who specializes in interpersonal relationships, found that most of the arguments revolve around common triggers: finance, parenting differences, intimacy, misunderstandings, and past differences.

These sensitive topics often resurface on nights when a partner is ready to relax, which can exacerbate the argument.

Sleep consequences

While it seems best to express your feelings whenever you feel impulsive, arguing before bed isn’t always the best idea.

“Obviously, it can cut into your sleep or affect your sleep quality, both of which can have a serious impact on mental health, mood, function and cognition,” she said.

“You may also be quarrel with someone who is really exhausted and not grabbing them in good times will hinder the success of the discussion.

“More than that, we don’t want to associate bed with arguments. We want to associate them with sleep and sex.”

Duber’s insights were supported in a US study that found that fighting before bed could lead to an increased likelihood of nightmares, which negatively impacted sleep quality.

Additionally, being deficient in sleep makes regulating emotions more difficult, so because you are more responsive to stimuli, you are more likely to repeat negative motivation over the next few days.

Better communication strategies

To prevent these arguments from happening first, Dober encourages couples to openly communicate their concerns without waiting for bedtime.

“It can be very helpful to discuss with your partner what you are trying to solve and find time that works for both of you,” she advises.

“Also, gently remind yourself that unless it’s urgent, you can discuss all the issues the next day.”

She recommends establishing regular check-in meetings so that couples can not only solve problems but also recognize that they are working well in their relationship.

“You might discuss how your partner supports you (it is important to emphasize positive issues, not just problem areas), areas they may need help with, and any issues that arise in the week,” she explained.

“For some couples, it could be a Wednesday night meeting; for others, it might be better with Saturday morning catching up.

“Find a time that works best for everyone and see it as a regular relationship maintenance discussion.”