Explore your queer with your direct partner: From

Posted by PSEDEN

2025-03-15

On 2025-03-15

I want to go bankrupt a myth – when you have a long relationship with your direct partner, you can’t honor and explore your own queer. This is often thought that myths perpetuate stigma and impostor syndrome among homosexuals who have an intuitive partner or a “linear passing” relationship. It can make people feel that they are not really suitable for anywhere, not with the LGBTQIA+ community, but in a heterosexual space. I want to break this narrative. In this blog post, I’ll dive into the way you can respect yourself when you’re queer when you’re keen on with straightforward partners and spoiler alerts, and the answer is not just about having queer sex outside of a relationship.

First – Transfer your narrative around relationships and queer

If you feel impostor syndrome about your queer identity because of your straightforward partner or direct relationship, it’s important to define what queer means to you in the first place. You may face a lot of homophobia or the ineffectiveness of others – people tell you that it is just a “stage”, or accuse you of who you are or just looking for attention. These false narratives and micro-aggressions may be difficult to get rid of. They limit the queer look to a very narrow acceptable window claiming that you have to be with someone or look somehow “fit”. But the truth is, you can define what queer means to you. Your partner or your appearance does not define your gender or gender identity. You do it. Although I wish I didn’t have to write this sentence, people often need this kind of reminder because of our social expectations. Below, I’ll share some quirky ways you can respect and express yourself, but you’re free to do whatever feel that suits you and be creative!

Express your queerness creatively

Think about how you express your queerness creatively. Try any medium that suits you – painting, music, writing, speaking – and express your definition of queer.

Find your (LGBTQ+) community

My next suggestion is to find your community. Participate in your local LGBTQIA+ community by participating in events, volunteering, queer writers reading books, listening to queer musicians, participating in queer art shows, following queer people on social media or anything else that helps you connect with other members of your community. Some other resources that may help you get started:

Trevorspace: “Trevorspace is a sure online social community for LGBTQ young people aged 13-24. With over 400,000 members around the world, you can explore who you are, get advice, find support groups and make friends in an online safe space that is intended to be a host for you.”
Pflag: “Pflag’s hundreds of chapter networks, along with over 325,000 members and supporters, are helping to create a fair and inclusive world where every LGBTQ+ person is safe, famous, empowered and loved.” You can find local PFLAG chapter meetings and events, and they also host online meetings and virtual communities.
Queer everywhere: “Queer everywhere is a public resource (and a growing searchable map!) created for the LGBTQIA2S+ and Ally communities, finding passionate, queer-owned spaces to shop, connect, eat, learn, learn and grow in your own community!”

This is definitely not an exhaustive list. There are lots of spaces to build a queer community…just explore and find a feeling that is good for you. Read our blog for more LGBTQ+ friendly resources.