Erotic Hygiene: Spring Cleaning for Your Sensual Psyche |

Given how many of us have been stuck at home and glued to our devices for the last eternity of the pandemic, I find the concept of erotic hygiene more relevant than ever.

Chances are you’ve never heard of “erotic hygiene.” Neither have I, but as I pondered the concept of “spring cleaning,” I started thinking about what needs cleaning the most right now. It could be your home, sure, or your sex toys (important!), but let’s not overlook those indefinable sensual arrangements within us that allow us to feel the sun and the wind on our skin, that allow us to feel joy or sorrow, seduction or provocation.

Let me ask you this: How erotic, sensual, connected, embodied is your experience of life, on a daily basis? Could you answer that question? I’m not talking about your sex life, or that kinky Valentine’s Day you had, although those aspects very well could be. It doesn’t matter if you’re single, in a relationship, in a relationship, or just trying the products, how erotic is your relationship with yourself, your body, and the world?

If you’re stumped and start picturing yourself masturbating in a field of lilacs, doing Kegel exercises in a subway station, or wearing a butt plug at a business meeting, here’s a little secret: Eroticism is very personal, and eroticism can include sex, but it’s much more than that. Living an erotic life actually means inhabitant your body – being in your body rather than in your head, one might say. And to inhabit your body, it is necessary to be present in the moment, or rather, to be be here now. Not just when we engage in acts that society considers “erotic,” but as often as possible.

Definition of erotic hygiene

I found only one mention of “erotic hygiene” on the entire internet. blogwritten by Stefana Serafina, an embodied educator, writer, and embodied empowerment facilitator, is beautifully written. In fact, it’s downright erotic.

“We don’t want erotic life?” she asks.

Lamenting “a world where flat screens are the means by which we access connection and knowledge, and productivity is the silent master,” she calls erotic hygiene “truly essential.”

“…my shoulders, or yours, ache from hunched over the computer for too many hours,” she writes, “and then your body mechanically moves in the kitchen again and something deep and tender is lost as you, or I, wolf down a sandwich while scrolling through the “Whatever” newsfeed. When eroticism is not integrated into our next “ordinary” moment but is instead shelved until the next time we “practice” or the next chance encounter—this is what I have come to think of as poor erotic hygiene. What I am saying is that unless eroticism, as best you and I know it, is inside our bodies, becomes a measure of how well we live every inch of our lives—unless eroticism becomes the pivot around which our being centers itself again and again, unless it infuses the way we work, eat, gesture, move our bodies through space, and turn toward those we encounter, unless our voices reach out to someone in deep notes that have the power to caress from a distance—unless eroticism is experienced as the fabric of our moments, our lives are not erotic, and, oh, what a waste!”

Serafina continues to describe how cultivating erotic hygiene means going through life with a certain openingto enjoy as much pleasure as possible, while avoiding the excesses that ultimately dull our experience of pleasure. She insists (and I believe her) that the body is designed “to meet life as a lover, to savor pleasure and pain…to participate, to be part of the moving symphony of earthly moments, to risk one’s own death for a dance with life! Our bodies have already accepted death, from the start, all for this – a chance to live unquestioningly, erotically.”

Seriously, does anyone get the chills? As someone who works all day in front of a computer and is just beginning to emerge from an endless pandemic winter, I feel this poignantly, urgently, and with great emotion. If you feel it too, itConsider the following ways to consolidate your erotic hygiene to feel more alive, in harmony and sensual in body, heart and mind.

Try not to rush.

This is a very important point for me. As a freelancer, I always find myself moving quickly from one deadline to the next. I get up, do yoga, shower, eat breakfast, work, I don’t have time to enjoy the morning sun, because if I don’t move, my routine weakens, my work weakens and I have to work longer. What I’ve learned recently: rushing takes away the joy of life and replaces it with stress, however subtle. To address this, I’ve made tangible changes: I drop clients I can’t stand; I only schedule as much work as I can handle each day. without I rush; if people are impatient with me, it’s not my problem, because I don’t break any commitments, I just commit differently.

To be alone.

No matter what your family or relationship situation is, spending quality time with yourself is essential. What you do or don’t do is up to you, but do it without distractions!

Don’t be afraid to rest deeply.

We are constantly told that TO DO Sleep is a higher state of being, but what if it isn’t? You owe it to yourself to get as much sleep as your body requires and to rest when you’re tired or in pain. It’s a basic principle, but too often we ignore our body’s simple requests.

Recognize addiction.

Be honest with yourself about the attachments and addictions that are holding you back from your erotic life. While drugs and alcohol are one thing, there’s also Facebook, Instagram, Netflix, and Zoom, to name a few. Or maybe you’re addicted to sex in a way that leaves you feeling empty and depressed, or you feel stuck in a relationship that feels toxic. It happens. Once you acknowledge it, you begin to make room for change.

Emoticon.

Be honest with yourself and others. It can be scary, but making an effort to not run away from vulnerability can change everything.

Take time to do nothing…or to be creative.

Some will scoff at this. Especially those who are writing their thesis or those who have children. But I say that if you have the will, your erotic life will find a way. Take time to do nothing, to sharpen your imagination. Often, this new open space can lead you to writing, crafting, painting, or just some much-needed daydreaming. That’s when your erotic life begins to blossom.

Cultivate the sensual sanctuary.

Candles, incense, dim lights, soothing music and bubble baths are must-haves, but don’t YouSometimes what we consider to be pleasure is actually just a treatment towards oneself and one’s love.

No one can live a fully embodied life all the time; no one’s erotic hygiene is perfect. But I’m convinced that becoming more familiar with the ideas I’ve shared here and doing (or not doing) what you can, when you can, to live your best erotic life will make all the difference. Your love and sex life will surely thank you, but so will every other facet of the complex, soulful erotic being that you are.

Happy spring cleaning to all. <3