Decoding The Generation’s Struggle With Love And

Ah, millennial dating—a tangled web of swipes, ghosting, and emoji-filled courtships. If you’re wondering why modern dating feels like navigating a labyrinth designed by a sadistic Cupid, you’re not alone. Welcome to the era of online dating, where your potential soulmate is just a swipe away! But beware: it’s a jungle out there. 

From Tinder to Bumble, and the ever-mysterious but too-young-for-me Hinge, the quest for love can feel more like a series of mini-games in a real-life version of “The Sims.” To understand why dating is so hard for millennials, we contacted Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), a California-based psychiatrist and cognitive behavior therapist, who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues.

Millennial Dating Trends In 2024

Like always, the dating landscape changed a *lot* last year. There’s a lot in store for 2024, be it new apps, new ways to meet, and new rules for dating. So if you’re looking for a fresh start in dating or just trying to understand the dating culture, we are here to answer all your questions. Let us start with the millennial dating trends in 2024.

1. Dating for the plot

Many millennials who are tired of rejection or disappointment from a bad date, have started ‘dating for the plot’ or N.A.T.O. (Not attached to outcome) dating. This means that even if you are certain that the date will be a bad one, you still decide to go, as it may result in a fun story to tell. Speaking on this, Dr. Batra says, “As pessimistic as this sounds, this is the silver lining millennials need to exit the ‘dating sucks’ mindset. It may be a healthy trend as it gets people out of their comfort zone and creates a shift toward irl dating.” And who knows? Maybe a supposed bad date turns out to be the start of a beautiful new chapter.

Related Reading: These 10 Dating Red Flags Should Send You Running NOW!

2. Dating beyond your type

Dating apps work by asking you your preferences and matching you with the ones with the same answers. This may work for some broad questions, like what type of relationship are you looking for? But as per Dr. Batra, “The more specific the preferences get, the narrower and superficial your search becomes.” And millennials are realizing this. Bumble found in a 2023 survey that one third of people are more open to dating beyond their typical type.

Denise, working as a graphic designer in a startup, shared that she always had a preference for people with artistic jobs, and did not pursue individuals working in, say, finance. But she entered 2024 with a new perspective. Denise went on a date with an accountant, and turns out their personalities were quite a match!

3. Dating events

Continuing on the theme of our love-hate relationship between millennials and dating apps, a lot of millennials are questioning the algorithms’ ability to find their soulmate for them. As millennial dating turns to offline interactions like the good ol’ days, there has been a rise in dating mixers, which are events designed to help people, who are looking to date, find their match through connecting with someone.

4. Non-traditional relationships

There is a lot of experimenting going on in today’s dating culture. Millennial couples are becoming more open to different relationship types, such as:

• Polygamous relationships
• Homosexual/queer relationships
• Hookups/casual relationships
• Friends with benefits

Dr. Batra says, “While monogamy is still the norm in millennial relationships, people are becoming more accepting of non-traditional relationships and the stigma around them is decreasing.”

Related Reading: Non-Monogamous Relationship: Meaning, Types, Benefits

Why Is Dating So Hard For Millennials?

If you have millennial friends, you probably often hear this question. Dr. Batra explained to us why dating is so hard for millennials, and it turns out the answer consists of a lot of factors. Let’s discuss them in detail.

1. Busy schedules

Millennial dating is hard because they have a lot on their plate. First, there’s the 9-5, which can become a 9-7 or even more depending on the workplace. Add to this side hustles because you gotta follow your passion right? and of course, you have to make time for self-care — get some me time, get your skincare routine done, all that stuff. Now, how does a person make time for dating with so much going on? This is why many millennials are embracing being single.

2. Trust issues

As even the youngest millennials are about to enter their 30s (I am sorry! Please don’t shoot the messenger), most of them have had some bad dating experiences. Good news? You’ve overcome those experiences and jump in the dating arena! Bad news? Those past relations gave you trust issues, affecting your future dating decisions. 

Dr. Batra tells us, “These trust issues stop millennials from giving someone a chance in fear of getting heartbroken again. Even when in a relationship, they are afraid of being vulnerable, which stunts the relationship’s growth.” Also, having binge-watched Love is Blind probably doesn’t help millennial relationships.

3. Fear of commitment

Millennials and dating have a complicated relationship. While most millennials are seeking long-term partners, they also carry a fear of commitment due to their failed past relationships. They may find it difficult to commit to someone fearing that it may not work out again. This fear is stopping millennial dating from flourishing into genuine relationships.

4. Paradox of choice

Another reason why dating is so hard for millennials is the increased number of choices. Dating apps have complicated the modern dating landscape by expanding the dating pool for individuals. And while they may have some benefits, these apps have also bombarded the users with a lot of choices — more than they can handle. How do you choose a person when there are endless possibilities?

5. High expectations

Now, before this offends someone, let me clear up that you should definitely have some set dating standards for your partner. Basics, such as love, care, and respect, should always be a given. But if your expectations get unrealistic, that’s where the problem starts. This can come from watching romantic shows and expecting the same idealized version of dating. 

6. Dating burnout

Millennials are facing so many hurdles while looking for a match that many of them are just over it. The dating burnout has made them seek happiness in being single, or maybe a pet parent. Even those who are continuing to date are not willing to put in the required effort, giving their bare minimum. This leads to poor relationships, resulting in more bad experiences, and the cycle continues.

Related Reading: 20 Valuable Tips For A First Date After Meeting Online 

Dating For Millennials 101: 11 Expert-Backed Tips For Success

So now that we know why dating is hard for millennials, what to do about it? While some have made peace with being single, others are still in want of a partner. Here are some tips for millennial dating from our expert.

1. Put down your phone

Dr. Batra’s very first advice is to make connections offline. Going out to bars, clubs, or dating events to socialize is the best option for irl dating. If not, you can use online dating apps to match with someone and then take the conversation offline. If meeting someone directly seems intimidating, calls are a great middle approach as they are spontaneous and feel more personal than texts.

2. Dress up

When going out to meet someone, dress up for the occasion. This shows the other person that you actually care about this date. No matter how much people tell you that pretending to not care is cool, that’s not the case. Putting in effort is seen as a very attractive trait in a date.

3. Be present

Once you reach the venue of the date, put your phone down. You’ve come here to make a connection with your date so give them your undivided attention. This shows them that you value their presence and what they have to offer.

4. Embrace vulnerability

Yes, you may have had your heart broken one too many times, but if you are looking to date again, showing vulnerability is a must. Many millennial relationships suffer due to the lack of emotional availability. However, this doesn’t mean you should go around trauma dumping on first dates. Take your time with the relationship. Explore some lighter topics and then move to the deeper questions. But do take down the thick wall around your heart at some point, or the relationship will not grow.

5. Ghosting is a no-no

So you started talking to someone and it doesn’t feel like they are the one for you. What do you do next? While ghosting seems like the easy way out, it is way better to just be honest about your feelings. This way, you save yourself from feeling guilty, show respect to the other person by being honest, and you end things on a relatively good note.

Related Reading: 9 Things Ghosting Says About You More Than The Person You Ghosted

6. Be yourself

Sounds cliche, yes, but it really works. Attractiveness is subjective. While someone may find a sportsperson attractive, another may become smitten with a history nerd. Thus, being yourself allows you to play to your strengths.

7. Inject some humor

Be it offline or online dating, humor is a very attractive quality for men and women alike. So, be funny! Sprinkle little jokes here and there throughout the conversation, maybe use some flirty ones to test the waters. 

8. Go after what you want with positivity and enthusiasm

You may have experienced heartbreaks or rejections before. But don’t let past experiences ruin your potential relationships. Give your hundred percent when pursuing a person. A pessimistic or laid back approach is one of the biggest turn offs, which may end up sabotaging your relationship.

9. Don’t take rejection personally

Do not feel upset if you don’t get a second date with someone. Just like you, other people are also navigating this increased pool of choices and may find it hard to decide what they want. Or your date just didn’t feel a connection with you, which is fine. Unless they tell a specific reason, which you can change or improve on, there is no point in overanalyzing what went wrong.

Related Reading: Dealing With Romantic Rejection: 10 Tips To Move On

10. Don’t see it as a chore

Dr. Batraemphasizes that dating is not a work project that you need to complete before the deadline. There are no exact rules for dating. So, don’t strategize too much. Let the connection grow naturally and enjoy every step.

11. Be honest

Starting from the talking stage, make it clear what you are looking for in a relationship. Are you seeking a casual relationship, a long-term relationship, or simply a hookup? This will prevent you from spending your time and energy on people who have different goals than yours.

Final Thoughts

The millennial dating landscape is filled with new trends. Many millennial couples are experimenting with non-traditional relationships. Dating for millennials is hard for several reasons, such as busy schedules, trust issues, and fear of commitment, resulting in dating burnout. But, if you’re seeking a partner, keep a positive approach. When pursuing someone, be yourself, be respectful, and give it your 100 percent. And remember to enjoy the process!

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