Bisexual Catastrophe – Violet

Happy Proud Moon, everyone! It seems like it’s already June, but we’re here – it’s pride in all the glorious celebrations and controversies. As usual, I feel very much like a bisexual disaster. It’s just the first week of pride, and I’ve been overwhelmed and tired of online discourse, hoping I have both more time and a lobby pass to avoid it altogether.

Yes, yes, but no regrets

I wrote about my complexity about pride and my own queerness, and these things remain a subject. Recently, I revealed to a friend that I was “so close” and completely putting down the labels, just letting the world assume I was straight and that’s what happened anyway. But I also know that it will be hollow and unwise, it’s what I want to be and what I want BI to represent the opposite in the world. Like many of you, I’m also tired of Bi-ersure and the gatekeepers that are so common in the LGBTQIA+ community. But shutting up and closing is not the way we change things. I believe we have to “become the change we want to see” idea, but it’s easier said than done. I also don’t want to represent groups I don’t belong, especially in pride, so this year I stick to the main discussion of bisexuality and bisexuality. Not only am I narrowing my focus, but I am also aiming to take a more positive and productive approach. It’s easy to get stumbling over bisexual ignorance, but I like Bi and I prefer to incorporate it into my sense of self. Even though I was frustrated with the label, I’ve grown to be bisexual and it’s more suitable than ever.

Navigate BI and PAN spectrum

As my relationship with sex continues to evolve, it is obvious to me that while “bisexual/bi” is the most connected and satisfied term I also operate in the broadest definition, which, on the surface, is closer to “pan/pansexuality”. Ultimately, these two identities can absolutely coexist without conflict, and they are similar in definitions, but they are not exactly the same. Bisexual attracts more than one gender (which may also mean more than two!), and Pansexualitial attracts everyone regardless of gender. It’s hard for me to have such a good point that hasn’t happened in some cases. I haven’t been attractive to all genders yet, by chance or by circumstances! But I can’t rule it out because ultimately, it’s about people, not their gender. Sounds like Pansexual, right? However, calling yourself pansexual does not feel Correct. Fortunately, we can define ourselves as much as we want or as little as possible, and anyway, it works best for us. Sally Corbett of the Bisexual Organization Project says it well in her article Insufficient BI, PAN and prefix:

The struggle is real

No matter how I understand or express my bisexuality, there are many people worth loving. Of course, my dilemma and moaning about the bisexual community – all of which are very real and totally effective! – But I also appreciate this being a controversial identity. Apart from being a cis, part of my identity is especially traditional or expected, so it is perfect for BI in its weird way. I don’t like or appreciate the foresight and intentional ignorance that people show around bisexuals and topics, but along with other bisexuals, I feel a lot of kinship and connection. The rest of LGBTQIA+ is not always so popular, and we seem to have critics outside and inside the community. This is an unfortunate choice when a group that has been marginalized thinks that it can further marginalize its members through goalkeeping and hierarchy, but unfortunately, it seems to be a function of human nature, not something bound by gender or direction.

But there are many people to love to be a double person

Stereotypes become tiring, erasure is soul-sincere, but I still can’t help but love bisexuality. Things about it are so extensive and explored. It is both subversive and incredibly healthy. For me, there is a freedom and accompanying comfort, the beauty I see in others can be associated with romance, platonic or sexual desire, but more importantly, it means the potential for different intimate experiences. And don’t even let me start using BI4BI connections! What another bisexual completely sees and understands is truly satisfying and honest: healing is so magical. For me, at this point in my life, the feeling of mutual intimacy and vulnerability is essentially untalented, and it seems easier with bisexuals and strange people in general.

Forward and outward

I might feel like a bisexual disaster, but I am ready to lean more than ever to make myself feel my sexual behavior rather than analyzing it naturally. I feel proud every day, fully understanding that speech can trigger, but also acknowledge that the desire for like-minded communities is equally effective. Pride was initially a riot and we were still fighting in large and small ways in the community and beyond. The best way I can do is keep moving forward, keep learning and listening, and use this sound I find…a sound so quiet, so deeply buried so long.

Bisexual disaster

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